It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to write. I take that back, I’ve had chances, but I was distracted. There are things I don’t share about my life (shocking, eh?) I’m generally an open book but it’s not that I want privacy. It’s the fact that I hide my shame. I’m filled with shame about my cancer diagnosis, my parenting skills, my lack of employment because I’m on disability and my shame of not being who I once was.
I loved who I was in the past. I was this ultimate badass and felt like I could have been on the cover of Fortune 500 just for being me, when it comes to skills, THIS GIRL has them…or had them. That fire is still in there somewhere. The fire where I just want to help people gain their independence. To help those strategize on their next business idea. For some reason, I always wanted to be in the spotlight but now I want to be behind the scenes,6 and I don’t know how to do that. Strange, no?
My car was repossessed and it’s the one last thing I have. To have it taken away, I can’t even think about that. I swallowed my pride and I shared online, and I had so many people help me that I cannot even begin to explain all the feelings I had from others helping me. I felt relevant and…ALIVE. I felt like I was still alive when inside, I’m dead. Something I can’t explain.

• blurb
• dear diary
• Thought Box