There was a time when I wrote freely from the heart—openly, vulnerably, and without fear. I didn’t second-guess myself or worry about how my words would be received. That was back when I felt safe.

But everything changed in February 2022.

That month marked a turning point. I began to realize that my words—my truth—could and would be used against me. That my thoughts would be twisted, and my feelings minimized. I wasn’t being heard; I was being watched, dissected, and ultimately gaslit. The more I tried to express myself, the more I felt erased.

When you’re in a toxic relationship—and I use the word toxic intentionally, even though narcissist has become the trend—it’s not just the relationship that becomes unhealthy. It’s your entire sense of self. You begin to question your instincts, silence your voice, and suppress your emotions, all in the name of keeping the peace.

Toxic people have a way of exploiting vulnerability. They take your openness as weakness and use your emotions as ammunition. When you confide in them, it doesn’t lead to understanding—it leads to control, dismissal, and manipulation. Eventually, you stop sharing altogether. Not because you don’t feel, but because feeling out loud becomes dangerous.

It’s heartbreaking, really.

If only the person who shattered my heart had received the memo: emotions are valid. Respect is not optional. I’ve never wanted to see anyone suffer—not even him. But sometimes I wish he could feel, just for a day, the depth of pain I carried. The weight of it could level cities.

Ironically, he did change. He moved on, grew into a better version of himself, and built a new life. And you know what? I’m genuinely happy for him. Everyone deserves a chance at happiness.

But here’s the paradox—I’m still unraveling.

I was the breadwinner. I was the caretaker. I held everyone and everything together. And now, after all the years and all the healing, I sometimes feel like I’m the one still falling apart. It’s almost laughable.

Especially considering what I do for a living: I’m a counselor, a life coach, a strategist. I wear many hats. 👒🎓🎩

Recently, I had a consultation with a potential client. They said they were looking for someone who “has it all together.” I asked them to elaborate—and what they described sounded more like someone who “fakes it till they make it” or someone with a need for control.

That’s not me.

I’m real. I don’t pretend to have it all figured out. I believe in guidance, not dictation. Mentorship, not control. Because ultimately, the responsibility for growth lies with the client. When someone asks to be told what to do, it’s often a sign they’re not ready to take ownership of their choices. It’s easier to blame someone else when things go wrong than to take accountability for our own role.

But that’s the core truth, isn’t it?
The only thing we can truly control is ourselves.

If you’re navigating the aftermath of a toxic relationship, or just trying to rebuild yourself in a world that often asks you to hide your messiness, know this: healing isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up—raw, real, and ready to grow. If you’re looking for support from someone who understands both the science and the soul of transformation, I’m here. Not to tell you what to do, but to walk alongside you as you figure out what you truly need.

When you’re ready to reclaim your voice and your peace, let’s talk.
Because you deserve to feel safe in your own story again.

• Thought Box