The love bomb and the discard.
The devaluation cycle.
You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick.
A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope.
Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you.
Scraps really.
And it almost seemed like they were coming back.
The silent treatment.
A whole lot of the silent treatment.
Not being acknowledged at all.
Maybe ghosting.
What’s the real difference when all is said and done?
First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you.
Then the stone walling.
The gaslighting.
The manipulation.
The lies.
You’ll never have to be alone again.
That’s the big lie.
It just sounds so appealing.
Perfect.
But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true.
But it was beautiful.
Magical.
Everything you ever wanted.
And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you?
Was it real? Was it fake?
What about the feelings that you experienced?
Was it all in your head?
All in your heart?
Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up.
Early on.
They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do.
All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply.
You could see it in their patterns.
In the way that they talked about their exes.
Their family.
Possibly their boss.
Sometimes even their friends.
Maybe they outright told you.
But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you.
Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language.
Red flags.
Ignored.
So many red flags.
They certainly are hard to see through those rose-colored glasses, aren’t they?
And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it?
Suffering in silence.
Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want.
Eliminated every need.
If you could just stop.
Stop your anxiety.
Stop the meltdowns.
You didn’t used to be like this.
Your nervous system is disregulated.
You haven’t cried this much in years.
And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down
and you do,
and you look crazy.
Each message obviously distraught.
You feel crazy too.
And I guess in a way you are.
That’s what they’d say, right?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
It was never going to change.
Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back.
But you have no fucking self-respect, do you?
You quieted your own needs.
Tried to be less YOU.
Begged.
Pleaded.
Groveled.
Just to be met with a wall of silence.
You willingly gave away your dignity.
And now you fucking hate people.
Don’t know how you will ever trust again?
Don’t worry.
You won’t.
At least not the way you trusted them.
And that’s a good thing in the long run.
Lessons can look an awful like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags .
And that’s what they were.
A lesson.
Wrapped in red flags.
Not love.
Just a really fucking hard lesson.
Tag: Heartache
L-O-V-E
The love bomb and the discard. The devaluation cycle. You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick. A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope. Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you. Scraps really. And it almost seemed like they were coming back. The silent treatment. A whole lot of the silent treatment. Not being acknowledged at all. Maybe ghosting. What’s the real difference when all is said and done? First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you. Then the stone walling. The gaslighting. The manipulation. The lies. You’ll never have to be alone again. That’s the big lie. It just sounds so appealing. Perfect. But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true. But it was beautiful. Magical. Everything you ever wanted. And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you? Was it real? Was it fake? What about the feelings that you experienced? Was it all in your head? All in your heart? Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up. Early on. They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do. All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply. You could see it in their patterns. In the way that they talked about their exes. Their family. Possibly their boss. Sometimes even their friends. Maybe they outright told you. But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you. Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language. Red flags. Ignored. So many red flags. They certainly are hard to see through those rose colored glasses, aren’t they? And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it? Suffering in silence. Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want. Eliminated every need. If you could just stop. Stop your anxiety. Stop the meltdowns. You didn’t used to be like this. Your nervous system is disregulated. You haven’t cried this much in years. And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down and you do, and you look crazy. Each message obviously distraught. You feel crazy too. And I guess in a way you are.That’s what they’d say, right? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It was never gonna change. Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back. But you have no fucking self respect, do you? You quieted your own needs. Tried to be less you. Begged. Pleaded. Groveled. Just to be met with a wall of silence. You willingly gave away your dignity. And now you fucking hate people. Don’t know how you will ever trust again. Don’t worry. You won’t. At least not the way you trusted them. And that’s a good thing in the long run. Lessons can look an awful like like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags they’re wearing. And that’s what they were. A lesson. Wrapped in red flags. Not love. Just a really fucking hard lesson.
Narcissistic Abuse
The start of something HUGE
Just a little something I’m working on. Will I post more about this in the future? Who knows but here’s a baby step to my personal path towards healing. It gets better. It has to… Right?
Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?
Rather than the Clash song coming to mind, I can’t help but hear Mystikal say “hit it one time you’re hooked. They call me the pu$$% crook” In all seriousness, what makes us stay in a relationship that others label as toxic? When you think about it, we’re only sharing our side of the story. Granted, it’s not made up or lies, but it’s also from one person’s perspective. If it’s so bad, then why do we stay? The excuse that runs through my mind is “they don’t know us” or “he’s nice to me when it’s just us. It’s different behind closed doors. We get one another” I hear myself say that and I honestly feel like a fool. “he’s nice when it’s just us”. Why the hell can’t he be nice in front of everyone? Why wouldn’t he want to be proud that I’m with him? In public profiles he’s listed as single. He talks to women online; he creates dating profiles. Of course, he’s nice to me when it’s just us…. NOBODY KNOWS THAT I EXIST!
It’s humiliating and none the less HEARTBREAKING.
So… how do you decide if a relationship is worth saving??
Relationships can be a rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs. It’s normal to experience problems in a relationship, but what happens when the problems become too much to bear? Sometimes, it can be hard to know whether you should stay and work things out or cut your losses and move on. The decision to end a relationship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your emotional and mental well-being. In this post, I’ll help you navigate this difficult decision by examining the warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble, the steps you can take to try to salvage it, and the scenarios where it may be best to walk away. So, if you’re currently struggling with the question of whether to stay or go, read on for my PRETEND TO BE an expert advice.
1. Warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble
It’s important to recognize warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble before you decide whether it’s worth saving.
Here are some common warning signs to look out for:
1. Constant arguing: If you find that you and your partner are constantly arguing and unable to resolve your disagreements, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
2. Lack of communication: Communication is key in any relationship. If you find that you and your partner are not communicating effectively, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
3. Lack of intimacy: Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. YOU ARE LYING IF YOU SAY THAT IT’S NOT IMPORTANT. That is a part of yourself, your soul, your body that you are giving to this ONE and ONLY person. If you find that you and your partner are no longer intimate, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
4. Disrespect: If you and your partner are disrespectful to each other, this is a clear sign that your relationship is in trouble. This also includes violence. Hitting is not love. Saying hurtful things is not love. Talking poorly of each other is not love especially to other people without the others knowledge.
5. Trust issues: If you or your partner have trust issues, this can be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Trust is crucial in any relationship, and without it, your relationship may not survive.
If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s important to address them and work through them with your partner before deciding whether your relationship is worth saving.
2. Steps to try to save your relationship
If you’re in a relationship that is not going well, it’s natural to wonder if it is worth saving. While every relationship is different, there are some steps that you can take to try to save a relationship that is struggling:
1. Identify the issues: Take time to understand what is causing the problems in your relationship. Communication is important, so make sure that you talk openly and honestly with your partner about how you feel.
2. Work on improving communication: Once you’ve identified the issues, work on improving the way you communicate with your partner. Listen to them and try to understand where they’re coming from. Be open and honest about your own thoughts and feelings. Talk about them as they are happening, not weeks later when it doesn’t help the current situation; harboring those feelings seems more like an attack than a talk. Also, refrain from bringing up the past. I want to validate that your pain is real and I know the events did happen, but what is it helping NOW when mentioning them?
3. Spend quality time together: Sometimes relationships suffer because couples don’t spend enough time together. Make time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes a day to talk and connect.
4. Seek professional help: Sometimes, the issues in a relationship are too complex to solve on your own. In these cases, it can be helpful to seek guidance from a professional therapist or counselor.
5. Be patient: Saving a relationship takes time, effort, and patience. It’s important to be patient with your partner and with the process. It may not be easy, but if you’re committed to making it work, you can overcome the challenges together. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
3. Scenarios where it may be best to walk away
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, relationships just aren’t meant to be.💔 It can be hard to admit, but sometimes it’s best to walk away.
Here are some scenarios where it may be best to walk away:
1. The relationship is abusive: Any kind of abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, or verbal, is never acceptable. If your partner is abusive, it’s important to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
2. You’re constantly unhappy: Relationships are not always easy, but they should make you happy more often than not. If you find that you’re constantly unhappy in your relationship and things don’t seem to be improving, it may be time to walk away.
3. Trust has been broken: Trust is crucial in any relationship. It’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship without trust. If your partner has broken your trust and you find it difficult to believe anything they say, it may be best to move on. Remember, forgiveness is FOR YOU to heal but you are not ever forced to forget it.
4. You have different life goals: It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to your life goals. If you and your partner have different goals and visions for the future, it may be difficult to make the relationship work.
5. Your partner is unwilling to work on the relationship: Relationships take work from both partners. If your partner is unwilling to put in the effort to work on the relationship, it may be best to walk away. Remember, walking away from a relationship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own well-being. Only you can decide what is best for you and your future.
Deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions that anyone can make. There are many factors to consider, including your own feelings and the feelings of your partner. It’s important to remember that relationships take work, and it’s not always easy. However, if you are constantly unhappy or your partner is unwilling to work on the relationship, it may be time to let go. On the other hand, if you still have strong feelings for your partner and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work, then it may be worth it to stay. Ultimately, the decision is yours and you must do what is best for you. Remember, it’s okay to walk away from a relationship that is not healthy or fulfilling. It’s important to value yourself and prioritize your own happiness. Whatever decision you make, just remember that you are not alone and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time.
I can share some books that may help with your journey:
“Too Good to Leave to Bad to Stay” -Mira Kirshenbaum
“I Love You But I Don’t Trust You” – Mira Kirshenbaum
…AND for some of that REAL TALK, LOVE & Support
Check out Circles.
https://tinyurl.com/6u5wv9a3
I have a room on Friday and Saturday Night but I cannot urge you to join the free, anonymous Group Therapy. Also keep your eyes open for any room run by Meredith Costa.
MEREDITH HEALS!! TRUST ME!
She saved my life and I’m forever thankful.
You can purchase her book https://tinyurl.com/39cf94kw
Peek-A-Boo
New posts every week? I’d say that I may have promised too much. In reality, it’s not a lot to ask of, but it’s definitely hard when the heart changes. A certain someone is back in my life .
It’s a happiness that is hard to describe. I am happy, don’t get me wrong. I am so scared because of what this person has done to me. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.
Dancing with the Devil is an understatement.
I do love when we twirl though.
