Tag: relationships

Breaking Free from Love Addiction: A Journey to Wholeness

When we think about love, we think about connection, intimacy, affection—often, we think about things that make us feel good. What happens when love becomes unhealthy? When it becomes something we chase, need, or crave to the point where it consumes us? That’s where love addiction comes in. Today, we’re going to break it down—what it is, where it comes from, how it impacts us, and most importantly, how we can free ourselves from its grip.

Let’s begin by exploring what love addiction really means.

1. What is Love Addiction? Understanding the Core

Love addiction is an obsession with the idea of love or a particular person. It’s not the type of love that builds you up or fosters growth. Instead, it’s a dependency that leaves you feeling empty without constant validation or affection. Love addiction is about seeking another person to fulfill the emotional needs that you cannot—or do not—fulfill within yourself.

Think about it this way: in a healthy relationship, love is mutual. There’s balance, respect, and boundaries. But in love addiction, the scales are tipped. One person often becomes completely enmeshed in the other, losing their sense of self. When you rely on someone else for your identity, your self-worth, and your happiness, that’s not love—that’s addiction. And just like any addiction, it can be destructive.

What’s important to understand here is that love addiction is not just about “loving too much” or being overly devoted. It’s about dependency. It’s about the need to have someone there, regardless of whether the relationship is healthy or not. The love addict will often stay in toxic or one-sided relationships because the fear of being alone or unloved is stronger than the desire for self-respect or well-being.

2. The Neuroscience of Love Addiction

To understand love addiction more deeply, let’s take a look at what’s happening inside the brain. When we fall in love, our brain releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are the “feel-good” chemicals that make you feel euphoric and happy. They give you that initial rush, the butterflies, and the sense that you’re on cloud nine. This is normal in the early stages of love, and it’s part of what bonds us to others.

For someone with love addiction, that initial high is something they become dependent on. Their brain craves that rush, much like a drug addict craves their next fix. When the relationship hits rough patches or when the attention from their partner fades, the withdrawal sets in. This can manifest as anxiety, fear, panic, and even depression. The love addict will often do anything to get that “high” back, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being or ignoring red flags in the relationship.

I want you to reflect for a moment—have you ever felt desperate to keep someone in your life, even when you knew the relationship was unhealthy? Have you ever found yourself chasing someone’s love, affection, or attention at the cost of your own happiness? If so, you may have experienced love addiction firsthand.

3. The Root of Love Addiction: Where Does It Come From?

Like most forms of addiction, love addiction doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It often has deep roots in our past, particularly in our childhood experiences and early relationships.

Attachment theory tells us that the way we were loved (or not loved) as children has a profound impact on how we love and relate to others as adults. If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional, scarce, or inconsistent, you might develop what’s known as an anxious attachment style. This means you’re constantly seeking reassurance and validation in your relationships because, deep down, you fear abandonment.

For instance, someone with an anxious attachment style may have grown up with emotionally unavailable parents. These parents might have provided physical care, but they weren’t there for emotional support. The child, desperate for love and affection, learns to chase any crumb of attention they get. This pattern often continues into adulthood, where they find themselves in relationships where they give too much and expect too little in return.

Picture a young boy whose father was distant, emotionally cold. This boy spent his childhood trying to gain his father’s approval, thinking, “If I just do better, if I just try harder, maybe he’ll love me more.” As an adult, this man carries the same mindset into his romantic relationships. He believes that love must be earned, that he has to work tirelessly to be “good enough” for his partner. This is love addiction—constantly seeking love from others because you don’t believe you’re worthy of it on your own.

4. The Impact of Love Addiction: How It Affects Your Life

Love addiction doesn’t just affect your relationships—it affects every area of your existence.

Mental health: Love addiction is emotionally draining. The constant cycle of highs and lows can lead to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. When you tie your emotional well-being to another person’s behavior or presence, you create an unstable foundation. The ups and downs of love addiction can leave you feeling like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, never able to fully relax or find peace.

Identity: Love addiction often leads to a loss of identity. People who struggle with it tend to merge their identity with their partner’s. Their hobbies, interests, and goals take a backseat because the relationship becomes their sole focus. Over time, they lose sight of who they are outside of the relationship. This can leave you feeling lost or empty when the relationship ends or faces challenges.

Self-worth: Perhaps one of the most damaging effects of love addiction is the erosion of self-worth. Many love addicts tie their value as a person to their ability to be loved or wanted by someone else. If the relationship is going well, they feel good about themselves. If the relationship is struggling, they internalize that struggle, believing that they’re unworthy or unlovable.

Now, let’s pause for a moment. I want to ask you to reflect on this:

What parts of yourself have you sacrificed for love?

Have you ever lost sight of your goals, given up your passions, or silenced your voice in a relationship just to keep someone happy? These are the costs of love addiction. It robs you of your sense of self.

5. Why is Love Addiction So Hard to Break?

Breaking free from love addiction isn’t easy. There are several reasons why it’s so hard to let go, even when we know a relationship is hurting us.

One of the most significant reasons is fear—specifically, the fear of being alone. Many love addicts would rather stay in a toxic or one-sided relationship than face the discomfort of solitude. Being alone can trigger deep insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, and the belief that if you aren’t in a relationship, you’re somehow failing.

Society doesn’t help either. We’re constantly bombarded with messages that glorify the idea of “unconditional love” and staying together at all costs. We see movies, TV shows, and books that romanticize relationships where people sacrifice everything for love. But true love—healthy love—doesn’t ask you to lose yourself. It doesn’t require you to endure pain or suffering. Love addiction, however, keeps you trapped in this cycle of self-sacrifice and emotional turmoil because the fear of losing love feels worse than the pain of staying in the relationship.

6. Steps to Breaking Free from Love Addiction

Recovery from love addiction is absolutely possible, but it takes time, effort, and commitment to self-awareness and healing.

Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem

The first step to overcoming love addiction is recognizing that it exists in your life. This requires deep honesty with yourself. Are you using relationships to fill a void? Do you find yourself staying in relationships that hurt you because you’re afraid of being alone? Awareness is key to breaking the cycle.

Step 2: Cultivate Self-Love

At the core of love addiction is a lack of self-love. When you don’t believe that you’re enough on your own, you seek validation from others. Learning to love yourself—to truly value and appreciate who you are—is essential for recovery. This isn’t just about surface-level self-care practices. It’s about doing the deep inner work to heal old wounds and create a sense of worthiness from within.

Step 3: Set Boundaries

One of the most important skills in overcoming love addiction is learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and help you stay connected to your own needs and desires. Start small—identify areas in your relationship where your boundaries have been crossed, and practice asserting your needs. It’s not selfish to set boundaries; it’s essential for your emotional health.

Step 4: Embrace Being Alone

One of the greatest fears for love addicts is being alone. But solitude isn’t something to fear—it’s something to embrace

One of the most transformative steps in breaking free from love addiction is learning to embrace solitude. Often, we fear being alone because it forces us to face our insecurities and unresolved emotional wounds. But solitude can be a time of profound healing and self-discovery. It allows you to reconnect with who you are, apart from any romantic relationship.

Spending time alone helps you build a sense of autonomy and self-reliance. When you learn to enjoy your own company, you no longer feel desperate for someone else to fill that space. You realize that being alone doesn’t mean you’re unloved—it means you’re prioritizing your well-being. It means you’re giving yourself the attention and care that you might have previously sought in others.

Think about the last time you were truly alone—not just physically, but emotionally. Did you embrace it, or did it make you uncomfortable? Start with small steps. Spend time doing things that bring you joy or peace, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or pursuing a creative hobby. The goal is to find fulfillment within yourself, rather than seeking it externally.

7. Rebuilding Your Identity: Who Are You Without the Addiction?

As you move through the recovery process, a crucial part of your journey will be rediscovering your identity—who you are outside of the roles you’ve played in relationships. Many love addicts lose themselves in their partners, becoming so enmeshed that they no longer recognize their own thoughts, desires, or needs. Now is the time to reclaim that.

Ask yourself these questions:

What do I enjoy doing when I’m not in a relationship?

What are my passions, my goals, my dreams?

Who am I when I’m not defined by another person’s expectations or validation?

This process of self-reclamation can feel daunting at first, especially if you’ve spent years defining yourself through your relationships. But it’s also incredibly liberating. As you begin to explore your own interests and values, you’ll find a sense of freedom that wasn’t available to you before.

Maybe you’ll rediscover a hobby you loved in childhood but gave up as an adult. Maybe you’ll find a new passion that excites you. This is your time to explore, to grow, and to become the person you were always meant to be—someone who is whole and complete without needing anyone else to validate that for you.

8. Redefining Love: What Does Healthy Love Look Like?

One of the most challenging aspects of recovering from love addiction is relearning what healthy love looks like. For many love addicts, their view of love has been distorted by past experiences—particularly those rooted in trauma or attachment wounds. So, how do we define love in a way that supports our growth, rather than undermines it?

Healthy love is about mutual respect, trust, and partnership. It’s about two whole individuals coming together, not out of a need to complete each other, but to enhance each other’s lives. In a healthy relationship:

Boundaries are respected: Both partners honor each other’s needs and space without feeling threatened or abandoned.

Independence is encouraged: Each person is free to pursue their own interests and maintain their individuality, while still being part of the relationship.

There is emotional safety: Both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or rejection.

Most importantly, healthy love is not about perfection. It’s about growth. It’s about two people committing to working through challenges together, but never at the expense of their individual well-being. It’s about creating a relationship that enhances your life, rather than drains it.

9. The Role of Therapy and Support Groups in Recovery

For many, the journey to healing from love addiction is not one they can take alone. Therapy and support groups can be essential tools in this process, providing a safe space to explore your emotional wounds, confront your fears, and learn new, healthier patterns of relating.

Working with a therapist,life coach,counselor particularly one trained in attachment theory or relationship issues, can help you understand the root causes of your love addiction. They can guide you through the process of healing old wounds, building self-love, and developing healthier relationship skills.

Support groups, like the ones I facilitate, offer a sense of community and understanding. Love addiction can feel isolating. You may feel ashamed, guilty, or like no one else understands your struggles. In a support group, you’ll meet others who are on a similar journey—people who have faced the same fears, the same patterns, and the same struggles. Together, you can support each other in breaking free from the cycle of love addiction.

If you haven’t already, I encourage you to explore options for therapy or support. Whether it’s one-on-one counseling or joining a group, having others walk this path with you can make a world of difference.

10. Moving Forward: Creating a Life Beyond Love Addiction

I want to leave you with this: healing from love addiction is not just about ending unhealthy relationships or breaking old patterns. It’s about creating a new vision for your life—one that is filled with self-love, healthy connections, and a sense of purpose that isn’t tied to someone else.

Imagine what your life could look like if you were free from the cycle of love addiction. What would it feel like to wake up each day and know that your happiness, your sense of worth, and your identity don’t depend on anyone else’s love or approval?

Picture yourself in relationships where you are valued, respected, and cherished—not because you’ve had to chase or earn it, but because you are inherently worthy of it. Imagine having friendships, family connections, and romantic partnerships where love is mutual, where boundaries are respected, and where you feel free to be your authentic self.

But most importantly, imagine what it would be like to truly love yourself. To know, deep down, that you are enough just as you are. That you don’t need to seek love from anyone else to validate your worth, because you already know you are worthy. This is the life that is possible for you once you break free from love addiction.

You Deserve a Love that Heals, Not Hurts

I want to remind you of something: you deserve a love that heals, not hurts. You deserve relationships that build you up, not tear you down. And most importantly, you deserve to be whole and happy, with or without a relationship.

Breaking free from love addiction is not easy, but it is possible. It requires courage, self-reflection, and a commitment to healing. But the rewards are profound. On the other side of this journey is a life of freedom, authenticity, and true connection—both with yourself and with others.

So, take this journey step by step. Be patient with yourself. Surround yourself with support. And remember, you are not alone in this. There is a community of people, including myself, who understand what you’re going through and who are here to walk this path with you.

I hope this has sparked something within you—whether it’s a new understanding of love addiction, a realization about your own relationships, or simply a reminder that you are worthy of love, just as you are.

I look forward to seeing how you move forward from here, and I’m honored to be part of your journey to healing and wholeness.

L-O-V-E

The love bomb and the discard.
The devaluation cycle.
You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick.
A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope.
Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you.
Scraps really.
And it almost seemed like they were coming back.
The silent treatment.
A whole lot of the silent treatment.
Not being acknowledged at all.
Maybe ghosting.
What’s the real difference when all is said and done?
First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you.
Then the stone walling.
The gaslighting.
The manipulation.
The lies.
You’ll never have to be alone again.
That’s the big lie.
It just sounds so appealing.
Perfect.
But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true.
But it was beautiful.
Magical.
Everything you ever wanted.
And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you?
Was it real? Was it fake?
What about the feelings that you experienced?
Was it all in your head?
All in your heart?
Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up.
Early on.
They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do.
All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply.
You could see it in their patterns.
In the way that they talked about their exes.
Their family.
Possibly their boss.
Sometimes even their friends.
Maybe they outright told you.
But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you.
Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language.
Red flags.
Ignored.
So many red flags.
They certainly are hard to see through those rose-colored glasses, aren’t they?
And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it?
Suffering in silence.
Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want.
Eliminated every need.
If you could just stop.
Stop your anxiety.
Stop the meltdowns.
You didn’t used to be like this.
Your nervous system is disregulated.
You haven’t cried this much in years.
And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down
and you do,
and you look crazy.
Each message obviously distraught.
You feel crazy too.
And I guess in a way you are.
That’s what they’d say, right?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
It was never going to change.
Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back.
But you have no fucking self-respect, do you?
You quieted your own needs.
Tried to be less YOU.
Begged.
Pleaded.
Groveled.
Just to be met with a wall of silence.
You willingly gave away your dignity.
And now you fucking hate people.
Don’t know how you will ever trust again?
Don’t worry.
You won’t.
At least not the way you trusted them.
And that’s a good thing in the long run.
Lessons can look an awful like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags .
And that’s what they were.
A lesson.
Wrapped in red flags.
Not love.
Just a really fucking hard lesson.

Is Jealousy Inherent to the Human Condition?

A Deeper Dive

Jealousy. Just the word can send a shiver down the spine, conjuring memories of tense moments and strained relationships. But is jealousy a fundamental part of the human condition, or is it an emotional artifact we can outgrow? Let’s explore this intricate emotion from various perspectives to uncover its roots and examine whether it’s an inescapable part of being human.

The Evolutionary Angle: Survival of the Fittest

From an evolutionary standpoint, jealousy is often seen as a survival mechanism. In the ancestral environment, resources such as food, territory, and mates were scarce. Jealousy could have spurred early humans to protect their partnerships and resources, ensuring their genes were passed down.

This primal drive to guard what we perceive as ours can be observed even in children, who often exhibit jealousy before they can even articulate their feelings.

Psychological Perspectives: Attachment and Insecurity

From a psychological lens, jealousy is often linked to attachment styles developed in early childhood. Securely attached individuals might experience jealousy less frequently or intensely, as they generally have a healthier sense of self and trust in relationships. Conversely, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might struggle more with jealousy, reflecting deeper insecurities and fears of abandonment. This suggests that while jealousy can be pervasive, its intensity and frequency can be mitigated through self-awareness and emotional growth.

Cultural Influences: Nurture Over Nature?

Culture plays a significant role in how jealousy is perceived and expressed. In some societies, jealousy is seen as a natural and even necessary component of love and commitment. In others, it’s viewed as a destructive force to be controlled or eradicated.

This cultural variance suggests that while the potential for jealousy exists universally, its manifestation and impact can be shaped by societal norms and values.

The Relationship Context: Boundaries and Communication

In romantic relationships, jealousy can act as both a warning signal and a catalyst for growth. It can indicate underlying issues such as unmet needs, boundary violations, or lack of trust. When addressed constructively, it can lead to deeper communication and stronger bonds. However, unchecked jealousy can spiral into controlling behavior and emotional abuse, highlighting the need for healthy communication and mutual respect.

The Philosophical and Ethical Dimension: Can We Transcend Jealousy?

Philosophically, the question arises: can humans transcend jealousy? Some argue that through mindfulness and emotional intelligence, individuals can recognize jealousy without being controlled by it. This aligns with many spiritual traditions that emphasize detachment and self-awareness as paths to inner peace. By understanding the root causes of our jealousy, we can reframe it as a signal for personal growth rather than a destructive force.

An Inextricable Part of Humanity or a Challenge to Overcome?

So, is jealousy an intrinsic part of the human condition? The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it stems from deep evolutionary roots and can be seen across cultures and ages. No, because its expression and impact are profoundly influenced by individual psychology, cultural context, and personal development.

Ultimately, jealousy is a complex emotion that reflects our deepest fears and desires. By acknowledging its presence and exploring its origins, we can learn to manage it more effectively, transforming it from a source of pain into an opportunity for growth. In this way, jealousy doesn’t have to define us—it can simply be one of the many facets of our rich emotional landscape.

In our journey towards emotional well-being, recognizing and understanding jealousy is crucial. By fostering self-awareness and practicing healthy communication, we can navigate this challenging emotion with grace and resilience, paving the way for more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.

If you’re navigating the turbulent waters of jealousy and need support, professional life coaching can offer guidance and strategies for overcoming these challenges.

At Tranquil Balance Life Coaching, we specialize in helping individuals and couples develop healthier relationships and stronger emotional resilience.

Visit healingmyfeelings.com to learn more and book a session. Together, we can turn jealousy into a stepping stone towards personal growth and deeper connections.

The High Price of Loving an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Are you feeling lonely in your relationship, even though you’re with a partner? If so, it may be because they are emotionally unavailable, and you have become a little too dependent on them for your happiness and well-being.

Are you in a hokey-pokey relationship? When one partner seems to have one foot out the door, no matter how hard you try to make it work. Emotionally unavailable people also aren’t crazy about commitment or intimacy. If you’re seeking those things from your partner or parent, and constantly trying to “be enough” or “do enough” for them, there’s a good chance you’ve become codependent.

Do your attempts at nurturing love and connection feel like they’re often unappreciated or disregarded? If you find yourself over-giving and struggling to get anything close to reciprocity from your partner, then codependency may be at play. While loving someone deeply can offer its own rewards, there’s also a high price of emotionally investing in an emotionally unavailable or distant partner. Caring too much about someone dedicated to keeping their cards close to their chest can be draining both mentally and physically. 

Codependency is valuing approval from others more than valuing your own opinion of yourself, along with difficulty identifying your own feelings separate from another person. That can be a disaster if you find yourself in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner. You’ll always be chasing something they are dedicated to not giving you. 

The good news is that you can change this. The first step is to recognize codependency for what it is and look for ways to start valuing yourself more. You don’t have to remain stuck in a one-sided relationship. With self-awareness and support, you can start to navigate interactions from a healthier place. 

So what are the signs of someone being emotionally unavailable? 

1. They communicate erratically and inconsistently. 

Do you and your partner talk about meaningful things one day, and then go days or weeks without talking about much besides the weather? While you may expect consistent emotional check-ins or updates, they might be nowhere to be found—leaving you feeling confused, frustrated, and lonely.

2. They avoid talking about emotions. 

Does your person shut down when you start to talk about feelings…especially yours? Do they complain that you’re too emotional or sensitive? Folks who are uncomfortable connecting on an emotional level can’t be there for you when you need them. And, they don’t want to be. It’s too much for them. (You’re not too much for them, the emotions are.)

3. They opt out of making plans.

Are you the social director in the relationship? Do you find yourself making all the plans for your relationship because your partner won’t commit to even doing something, for sure, next week? Are they always pushing off talking about your future? Or, do they remain vague and general about possibilities, unwilling to nail anything down? Emotionally unavailable people keep things fluid so they can be in charge. It’s crazy-making.

4. They don’t show genuine affection and empathy. 

Is your partner unable—or unwilling—to be affectionate or empathetic? Are they dismissive of your needs? Do they avoid acknowledging your feelings? Or worse, disregard them entirely? These are glaring signs that they are not going to get emotionally involved with you… and leave you feeling unseen, unheard, and… alone.

5. They may not show up when you need them most. 

Does your partner often check out when you’re dealing with uncomfortable emotions or a difficult situation? Maybe, they don’t have the ability or interest to emotionally support you. That leaves you feeling alone and wondering if you actually have a partner. Or, sadly, it could be that they simply don’t care that much. Both are good reasons to start an exit plan.

6. They can be overly critical of you and others.  

Is your partner constantly criticizing or judging you, your friends, your family? Do they seem to have difficulty letting go of old grudges? And hold on to negative feelings? Emotionally unavailable people use criticism to keep themselves separate and distant, right or superior. Believing what they say about you, without examination, is a sure sign of codependency. It may be time to consider creating your own distance from them and shoring up your self-esteem.

Although it can be difficult to accept, it’s important to recognize the signs of an emotionally unavailable partner and take steps to understand and address your codependent behavior. With awareness and support, you’ll be more able to create meaningful connections with people capable of creating equality. People who can show up as true partners.

Codependency can have serious repercussions on both partners in the relationship. It creates an unhealthy reliance on one another, leaving both parties feeling trapped, resentful, and unsatisfied… for very different reasons!

If you recognize that you are in a codependent relationship, it is important to seek therapy or support from a qualified professional. You can break free from negative patterns of behavior and learn to create healthier, more equal relationships. Ready to start?

L-O-V-E

The love bomb and the discard. The devaluation cycle. You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick. A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope. Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you. Scraps really. And it almost seemed like they were coming back. The silent treatment. A whole lot of the silent treatment. Not being acknowledged at all. Maybe ghosting. What’s the real difference when all is said and done? First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you. Then the stone walling. The gaslighting. The manipulation. The lies. You’ll never have to be alone again. That’s the big lie. It just sounds so appealing. Perfect. But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true. But it was beautiful. Magical. Everything you ever wanted. And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you? Was it real? Was it fake? What about the feelings that you experienced? Was it all in your head? All in your heart? Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up. Early on. They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do. All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply. You could see it in their patterns. In the way that they talked about their exes. Their family. Possibly their boss. Sometimes even their friends. Maybe they outright told you. But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you. Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language. Red flags. Ignored. So many red flags. They certainly are hard to see through those rose colored glasses, aren’t they? And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it? Suffering in silence. Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want. Eliminated every need. If you could just stop. Stop your anxiety. Stop the meltdowns. You didn’t used to be like this. Your nervous system is disregulated. You haven’t cried this much in years. And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down and you do, and you look crazy. Each message obviously distraught. You feel crazy too. And I guess in a way you are.That’s what they’d say, right? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It was never gonna change. Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back. But you have no fucking self respect, do you? You quieted your own needs. Tried to be less you. Begged. Pleaded. Groveled. Just to be met with a wall of silence. You willingly gave away your dignity. And now you fucking hate people. Don’t know how you will ever trust again. Don’t worry. You won’t. At least not the way you trusted them. And that’s a good thing in the long run. Lessons can look an awful like like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags they’re wearing. And that’s what they were. A lesson. Wrapped in red flags. Not love. Just a really fucking hard lesson.

Poison Paradise

We all know the feeling of being in a toxic relationship.

It’s exhausting,

It takes away our self-esteem and leaves us feeling helpless and confused. Despite this, many people find themselves staying in these unhealthy relationships, wondering why it’s so hard to leave.

The first reason why people stay in toxic relationships is fear of the unknown. When you are stuck in a toxic dynamic, you know what you’re getting – and it’s familiar. Leaving a comfort zone can be intimidating, as it means embracing the uncertainty of starting again and potentially facing the same problems anew. Fear of the unknown can lock people in damaging cycles, making them unwilling to take a chance on something new.

Another reason related to this is fear of change. People naturally hate change, even for the better. Even if they want to get out of a bad situation, they might still be too scared to initiate a major lifestyle shift. This could be compounded by the fear of judgment from family and friends or the shame of living in poverty.

Additionally, there is the fact that often, people in toxic relationships often become emotionally dependent on each other. This dependency keeps them stuck in a negative dynamic, unable to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

If a person has been conditioned to believe that negative behavior is love, they may feel that leaving their partner is betraying them.

It’s important to remember that no matter what the circumstances are, no one deserves to be in a toxic relationship.

If you find yourself in an unhealthy dynamic, know that you are not alone – and there are always options. Draining and difficult as it may be, it’s time to make the change and seek out healthier relationships that will provide you with joy and peace.

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Rather than the Clash song coming to mind, I can’t help but hear Mystikal say “hit it one time you’re hooked. They call me the pu$$% crook” In all seriousness, what makes us stay in a relationship that others label as toxic? When you think about it, we’re only sharing our side of the story. Granted, it’s not made up or lies, but it’s also from one person’s perspective. If it’s so bad, then why do we stay? The excuse that runs through my mind is “they don’t know us” or “he’s nice to me when it’s just us. It’s different behind closed doors. We get one another” I hear myself say that and I honestly feel like a fool. “he’s nice when it’s just us”. Why the hell can’t he be nice in front of everyone? Why wouldn’t he want to be proud that I’m with him? In public profiles he’s listed as single. He talks to women online; he creates dating profiles. Of course, he’s nice to me when it’s just us…. NOBODY KNOWS THAT I EXIST!
It’s humiliating and none the less HEARTBREAKING.
So… how do you decide if a relationship is worth saving??

 Relationships can be a rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs. It’s normal to experience problems in a relationship, but what happens when the problems become too much to bear? Sometimes, it can be hard to know whether you should stay and work things out or cut your losses and move on. The decision to end a relationship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your emotional and mental well-being. In this post, I’ll help you navigate this difficult decision by examining the warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble, the steps you can take to try to salvage it, and the scenarios where it may be best to walk away. So, if you’re currently struggling with the question of whether to stay or go, read on for my PRETEND TO BE an expert advice.


1. Warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble
It’s important to recognize warning signs that your relationship may be in trouble before you decide whether it’s worth saving.
Here are some common warning signs to look out for:
1. Constant arguing: If you find that you and your partner are constantly arguing and unable to resolve your disagreements, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
2. Lack of communication: Communication is key in any relationship. If you find that you and your partner are not communicating effectively, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
3. Lack of intimacy: Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. YOU ARE LYING IF YOU SAY THAT IT’S NOT IMPORTANT. That is a part of yourself, your soul, your body that you are giving to this ONE and ONLY person. If you find that you and your partner are no longer intimate, this may be a sign that your relationship is in trouble.
4. Disrespect: If you and your partner are disrespectful to each other, this is a clear sign that your relationship is in trouble. This also includes violence. Hitting is not love. Saying hurtful things is not love. Talking poorly of each other is not love especially to other people without the others knowledge.
5. Trust issues: If you or your partner have trust issues, this can be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Trust is crucial in any relationship, and without it, your relationship may not survive.

If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s important to address them and work through them with your partner before deciding whether your relationship is worth saving.

2. Steps to try to save your relationship
If you’re in a relationship that is not going well, it’s natural to wonder if it is worth saving. While every relationship is different, there are some steps that you can take to try to save a relationship that is struggling:
1. Identify the issues: Take time to understand what is causing the problems in your relationship. Communication is important, so make sure that you talk openly and honestly with your partner about how you feel.
2. Work on improving communication: Once you’ve identified the issues, work on improving the way you communicate with your partner. Listen to them and try to understand where they’re coming from. Be open and honest about your own thoughts and feelings. Talk about them as they are happening, not weeks later when it doesn’t help the current situation; harboring those feelings seems more like an attack than a talk. Also, refrain from bringing up the past. I want to validate that your pain is real and I know the events did happen, but what is it helping NOW when mentioning them?
3. Spend quality time together: Sometimes relationships suffer because couples don’t spend enough time together. Make time for each other, even if it’s just a few minutes a day to talk and connect.
4. Seek professional help: Sometimes, the issues in a relationship are too complex to solve on your own. In these cases, it can be helpful to seek guidance from a professional therapist or counselor.
5. Be patient: Saving a relationship takes time, effort, and patience. It’s important to be patient with your partner and with the process. It may not be easy, but if you’re committed to making it work, you can overcome the challenges together. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

3. Scenarios where it may be best to walk away
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, relationships just aren’t meant to be.💔 It can be hard to admit, but sometimes it’s best to walk away.
Here are some scenarios where it may be best to walk away:
1. The relationship is abusive: Any kind of abuse, whether it be physical, emotional, or verbal, is never acceptable. If your partner is abusive, it’s important to get out of the relationship as soon as possible.
2. You’re constantly unhappy: Relationships are not always easy, but they should make you happy more often than not. If you find that you’re constantly unhappy in your relationship and things don’t seem to be improving, it may be time to walk away.
3. Trust has been broken: Trust is crucial in any relationship. It’s hard to maintain a healthy relationship without trust. If your partner has broken your trust and you find it difficult to believe anything they say, it may be best to move on. Remember, forgiveness is FOR YOU to heal but you are not ever forced to forget it.
4. You have different life goals: It’s important to be on the same page when it comes to your life goals. If you and your partner have different goals and visions for the future, it may be difficult to make the relationship work.
5. Your partner is unwilling to work on the relationship: Relationships take work from both partners. If your partner is unwilling to put in the effort to work on the relationship, it may be best to walk away. Remember, walking away from a relationship is never easy, but sometimes it’s necessary for your own well-being. Only you can decide what is best for you and your future.

Deciding whether or not to stay in a relationship is one of the most difficult decisions that anyone can make. There are many factors to consider, including your own feelings and the feelings of your partner. It’s important to remember that relationships take work, and it’s not always easy. However, if you are constantly unhappy or your partner is unwilling to work on the relationship, it may be time to let go. On the other hand, if you still have strong feelings for your partner and are willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work, then it may be worth it to stay. Ultimately, the decision is yours and you must do what is best for you. Remember, it’s okay to walk away from a relationship that is not healthy or fulfilling. It’s important to value yourself and prioritize your own happiness. Whatever decision you make, just remember that you are not alone and there are resources available to help you through this difficult time.

I can share some books that may help with your journey:
“Too Good to Leave to Bad to Stay” -Mira Kirshenbaum


“I Love You But I Don’t Trust You” – Mira Kirshenbaum



…AND for some of that REAL TALK, LOVE & Support
Check out Circles.
https://tinyurl.com/6u5wv9a3
I have a room on Friday and Saturday Night but I cannot urge you to join the free, anonymous Group Therapy. Also keep your eyes open for any room run by Meredith Costa.

MEREDITH HEALS!! TRUST ME!

SHE WILL SAVE YOU IN WAYS YOU NEVER KNEW


She saved my life and I’m forever thankful.
You can purchase her book https://tinyurl.com/39cf94kw