Tag: self-realization

Understanding Your Relationship with Yourself

I’m not sure if I’ve already posted this but I’ve been clearing out my writing folders and podcast scripts and didn’t want this goody to go to waste.

Today we’re diving into one of the most important, and yet most overlooked, relationships in our lives, the one we have with ourselves.

Let me say this upfront:
The relationship you have with yourself is the primary relationship in your life.
Everything else: your friendships, your romantic partnerships, your career, your finances is a mirror reflecting what’s going on in that inner world.

Now let’s begin this journey by asking a question:
What is your relationship to you?
Whether you’re conscious of it or not, whatever is unresolved or unhealed within you is going to show up in every single area of your life.

Let me give you an example:
If you carry the belief, “I’m not good enough,” chances are that belief will bleed into your career.
If you think, “I don’t deserve to receive,” don’t be surprised when your financial life feels blocked or inconsistent.
These beliefs aren’t just thoughts, but they become the lens you see life through.

So, to really reach our potential, we have to start by looking inward and identifying what’s hurt, what’s wounded, what’s been buried and then tend to it.

Heal it. Empower it. Reprogram it.

And when we do that?
We don’t just feel better.
We become better in our self-esteem, in how we show up in relationships, in how we manage money, in how we handle stress. Literally, everything shifts.

So why don’t we learn this earlier?
The truth is, we rarely get this modeled for us growing up.
We live in a system built around classical conditioning — punishment and reward — and it trains us to look outward for approval, instead of inward for connection.

As kids, most of us were born into unconditional love. Somewhere around age two, that love starts to feel… conditional.
We start hearing messages like:
“Be a good boy.” “Do better.” “That’s not enough.”
And even if it’s well-intentioned, our little brains start to internalize these patterns as:
“I’m only lovable when I behave.”
“Love is something I earn.”
“If I mess up, I lose connection.”

That’s the first trauma most of us carry: the shift from unconditional to conditional love.
And it sticks… shaping how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and how we expect to be treated by others.

So let me ask you:
What does your relationship to self look like today?

Do you show yourself compassion when you make a mistake?
Do you give yourself space to rest when you’re tired?
Do you listen to your own needs?
Do you keep your own boundaries?
Or are you still operating from outdated beliefs handed to you before you even knew who you were?

Here’s the truth:
Your self-relationship affects everything.
It sets your comfort zone, what you tolerate from others, what you believe you’re worthy of, and even what kinds of people you’re drawn to.
So if you find yourself constantly attracting people who hurt, abandon, or manipulate you
You’re not cursed.
You’re not broken.
You’re just unconsciously recreating the patterns you were taught.

Here’s the good news:
You can reprogram all of it.

Let’s talk ingredients.
There are five key components of a healthy relationship to self:

Self-awareness — Truly knowing yourself and having a stable sense of identity.
Self-respect — Treating yourself in a healthy, loving, and kind way.
Self-loyalty — Looking out for your own best interests and showing up for yourself.
Self-responsibility — Taking accountability for your choices and your healing.
Self-protection — Supporting yourself, protecting your energy, and caring for your emotional and physical needs.

When these pieces are in place, you don’t just survive but you thrive.

So, why does all of this matter?
It matters because your relationship to yourself is the blueprint for every other relationship you have.

It sets the tone for:

What behaviors you’ll tolerate from others
How you respond when someone crosses your boundaries
Whether or not you feel comfortable asking for your needs to be met
If you believe you deserve real, consistent, trustworthy love

When your internal world is calm, kind, and clear your external world starts to reflect that.

Now, here’s the final thought I want to leave you with today:
Every relationship outside of you , every challenge, trigger, or pattern is a reflection of your internal relationship to self.
And that means:
You don’t have to change the world to change your life.
You just have to come home to you.

Until then, be gentle with yourself.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You’re just remembering who you’ve always been.

Consider booking a 1:1 session
You can learn more at www.healingmyfeelings.com.

Remember: healing starts within.

Radical Confidence

Rain Check

That’s how I would describe my life. Rain Check

I sometimes feel I received less than I deserved but more than I had asked for. It’s a struggle.
I don’t know how others view themselves, but I like me. I love ME, to be honest, but it just takes one person to change the way you view yourself. To make you feel yourself worth is less than nothing. Why do we allow others to determine our worth? Is it truly lack boundaries? It is low self-esteem or co-dependency. I think it’s none of the above.

Deep down inside, I had this vision of what I expected my life to be like and it really did come out to a certain extent, but what I do remember when I was growing up, is the fact I never imagined a family or marriage. Honestly, I would not even play ‘House’ and have a fake wedding. It scared me. How? Why? I was never around a failed marriage. I never knew my parents together so how would I have known that it wasn’t right for us to not all be together? Yet, here I am, wanting someone to be in my life, I want someone to be there for me and those who have that, more than likely want to be alone.

Humans are a fickle breed.

Letters to Myself: A Journey of Self-Discovery

I write myself letters and I’ll grab a random page out of my journal, write something and then however time that passes, I’ll get to that page and see it. Tonight was one of those letters. As I share this with you all, this is also a letter for you all. Life is hard. It doesn’t need to be that way, so why do we continue to make it hard? Just something to think about. Nobody is coming to “rescue” or “save” you. I know that feeling how we want that to happen, but when that does, we lose our power. If you’ve been in that situation before, you can understand what I’m saying. I needed to read this tonight and I hope it encourages you as well. Keep going! Keep working on yourself because you’re worthy. Be the person you want to date. When you love yourself, the right kind of person will also love you. Never lose those standards. Never!

Letter To Myself:
Hey Chica, I can see you’re going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Life can be incredibly challenging, and it’s completely normal to struggle with the choices we make and the obstacles we face.
First of all, I want to acknowledge your strength. Despite the difficulties you’re experiencing, you’re still here, facing each day with courage and determination. That’s something to be proud of.
It’s important to remember that we all make mistakes and face tough times in life. What’s crucial is how we respond to these challenges. Instead of dwelling on past choices or letting them define you, focus on what you can do right now to create positive change in your life. Stop thinking of why this happened to you. Start asking yourself “What am I going to do?”
Soo…what are you going to do?
Try these out:
Take some time to reflect on the lessons you’ve learned from your experiences. Every setback, every mistake, is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Use these experiences to become stronger and wiser.
Reach out for support when you need it. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, seeking guidance from a therapist, or finding support groups in your community, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to face your struggles alone.
I know there is lots of shame, so grab the phone and record yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can with the resources you have, and that’s enough.
Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend in need.
Lastly, keep moving forward, one step at a time. It’s okay if progress feels slow or if you encounter setbacks along the way. What matters is that you keep pushing forward, even when it’s hard.
You are capable of overcoming the challenges life throws your way. Believe in yourself, stay resilient, and know that brighter days are ahead. You’ve got this.
Look at everything you’ve overcome. Don’t let THIS be the thing that stops you, but another stepping stone that makes you the beautiful human being you are. Look at what you’ve overcome.

Loving you Always-
The one you’re forgetting about but I’m not forgetting you.
YOU ARE AMAZING!

Breaking Free from the Addiction of Hope Healing

I was absolutely addicted to hope.
Breaking Free from the Addiction of Hope Healing requires recognizing that misplaced hope is not love—it is a survival mechanism that no longer serves us. Breaking free from this cycle means:
Accepting Reality Over Potential – A person’s actions speak louder than their words or your dreams of who they could be. If they have shown you time and again that they will not change, believe them.
Understanding That Hope Is Not a Strategy – Hope does not heal wounds, change people, or turn toxic love into healthy love. It is not your responsibility to stay in harm’s way just because you believe things could be different.
Learning to Sit with Discomfort – Walking away will feel painful. The addiction to hope creates withdrawal symptoms—grief, self-doubt, loneliness. These feelings are temporary, whereas staying in a toxic relationship only guarantees prolonged suffering.
Reclaiming Your Power – Instead of hoping for someone else to change, redirect that energy into yourself. Hope for your future, your growth, your healing. Placing hope in yourself, rather than someone who continues to hurt you, may feel unfamiliar at first, but it is the most powerful shift you can make.

Hope, in its truest form, should not be a chain but a set of wings. When we free ourselves from the addiction of false hope, we open ourselves to the possibility of a life where love, respect, and happiness are not things we desperately wait for but things we create for ourselves.
It is time to break the cycle and choose you

.Journal Prompts to Break Through Toxic Hope
What do I hope will change if I stay in this relationship, and what evidence do I have that the change I am hoping for is actually happening?

*How has holding onto hope affected my emotional and mental well-being?

*Has it empowered me or kept me stuck?

*If I let go of hope that this person will change, what emotions come up for me?

*What do these emotions tell me about my fears?

*Have I ever ignored red flags or excused harmful behavior because I hoped things would get better?
What was the outcome?

*What would my life look like if I placed hope in myself and my future instead of waiting for someone else to change?

Healing from Narcissistic Relationships: A Guide to Understanding, Growth, and Recovery

Healing from Narcissistic Relationships: A Guide to Understanding, Growth, and Recovery

Narcissistic relationships are among the most complex, draining, and damaging connections we can experience. Whether you’re still in one, recently out, or supporting someone navigating this dynamic, the effects can leave you questioning your worth, your instincts, and even your sense of reality. But here’s the truth: healing is not just possible—it’s transformative.

As someone who has been through this journey myself, I’ve learned that the path to recovery isn’t just about leaving the relationship; it’s about reclaiming yourself. This post will offer insight into the narcissistic dynamic, steps toward healing, and tools for both survivors and professionals to better navigate this terrain.

What Makes Narcissistic Relationships So Harmful?

At their core, narcissistic relationships operate on control, manipulation, and emotional neglect. Narcissists often use tactics like gaslighting, love-bombing, and silent treatments to maintain power. Over time, these behaviors erode your self-esteem and create a cycle of dependence.

For those who love a narcissist, the experience is like being in an emotional tug-of-war. They may show moments of charm and vulnerability that make you stay, only to flip the script when you least expect it. You end up walking on eggshells, constantly trying to meet their needs while losing sight of your own.

Professionals working with survivors often hear phrases like:

“I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
“I feel like everything is my fault.”
“I’m terrified of what they’ll do if I leave.”

These statements highlight the profound psychological and emotional toll of these relationships. Understanding the depth of this impact is crucial in providing effective support.

For Those Still in the Relationship

If you’re still in a narcissistic relationship, you might feel stuck or even unsure if what you’re experiencing is abuse. Here are some steps to take:

Educate Yourself: Learn about narcissistic behaviors and patterns. Knowledge is power and can help you separate their manipulation from your truth.
Set Boundaries: Start small. Practice saying “no” or expressing your needs, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Build a Support System: Confide in trusted friends, family, or a professional who understands narcissistic abuse.
Create an Exit Plan: If leaving feels impossible, start planning for it safely. This might mean saving money, documenting incidents, or seeking legal advice.

For Those on the Other Side

If you’ve left the relationship, first and foremost—congratulations. Walking away from a narcissist takes immense courage. But healing doesn’t end there. Many survivors struggle with guilt, shame, and a loss of identity after leaving.

Here’s how to begin rebuilding:

Reconnect with Yourself: Journaling, therapy, or working with a coach can help you rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk: Narcissists are masters at planting seeds of self-doubt. Replace those lies with affirmations rooted in your truth.
Surround Yourself with Positivity: Join support groups or communities of people who understand what you’ve been through. This connection can be a lifeline.
Seek Professional Help: Healing often requires guidance. Therapists and life coaches trained in narcissistic abuse recovery can provide tools and strategies to rebuild your confidence.

For Professionals Supporting Survivors

Whether you’re a therapist, counselor, or coach, working with survivors of narcissistic relationships requires compassion and a trauma-informed approach. Here’s how you can help:

Validate Their Experience: Many survivors feel dismissed or misunderstood. Affirm their reality and acknowledge their pain.
Focus on Empowerment: Shift the narrative from victimhood to resilience. Help clients set goals and regain their autonomy.
Understand Trauma Responses: Survivors may display hypervigilance, people-pleasing tendencies, or fear of confrontation. Tailor your approach to honor these responses without reinforcing them.
Encourage Healthy Attachments: Survivors often struggle with trust. Help them navigate relationships that feel safe and mutually supportive.

Healing Together

My own journey through narcissistic abuse led me to become a life coach specializing in this area. I’ve walked this path, felt the despair, and experienced the freedom on the other side. That’s why I’m so passionate about helping others not just survive but thrive.

Whether you’re still in the relationship, newly out, or supporting someone you care about, you don’t have to do this alone. Healing is possible, and it starts with small, intentional steps.

If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to help you. I offer personalized coaching sessions tailored to your unique needs, whether you’re navigating the aftermath of a toxic relationship or simply seeking to understand yourself better.

You deserve to heal. You deserve to thrive. You deserve to reclaim your life.

Let’s start this journey together.
Visit Healing My Feelings or email me at Info@healingmyfeelings.com to learn more.

Final Thoughts

Recovery from a narcissistic relationship isn’t easy, but it’s worth every ounce of effort. Remember, healing isn’t about changing the narcissist or understanding their behavior—it’s about rediscovering your strength and rebuilding your life.

To those still in the storm: you are stronger than you know. To those on the other side: your best days are ahead. And to the professionals supporting survivors: your work matters more than you can imagine.

Let’s heal, together.

L-O-V-E

The love bomb and the discard.
The devaluation cycle.
You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick.
A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope.
Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you.
Scraps really.
And it almost seemed like they were coming back.
The silent treatment.
A whole lot of the silent treatment.
Not being acknowledged at all.
Maybe ghosting.
What’s the real difference when all is said and done?
First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you.
Then the stone walling.
The gaslighting.
The manipulation.
The lies.
You’ll never have to be alone again.
That’s the big lie.
It just sounds so appealing.
Perfect.
But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true.
But it was beautiful.
Magical.
Everything you ever wanted.
And you can’t ~~fucking~~ believe you fell for it, can you?
Was it real? Was it fake?
What about the feelings that you experienced?
Was it all in your head?
All in your heart?
Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up.
Early on.
They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do.
All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply.
You could see it in their patterns.
In the way that they talked about their exes.
Their family.
Possibly their boss.
Sometimes even their friends.
Maybe they outright told you.
But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you.
Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language.
Red flags.
Ignored.
So many red flags.
They certainly are hard to see through those rose-colored glasses, aren’t they?
And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it?
Suffering in silence.
Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want.
Eliminated every need.
If you could just stop.
Stop your anxiety.
Stop the meltdowns.
You didn’t used to be like this.
Your nervous system is disregulated.
You haven’t cried this much in years.
And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down
and you do,
and you look crazy.
Each message obviously distraught.
You feel crazy too.
And I guess in a way you are.
That’s what they’d say, right?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
It was never going to change.
Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back.
But you have no ~~fucking~~ self-respect, do you?
You quieted your own needs.
Tried to be less YOU.
Begged.
Pleaded.
Groveled.
Just to be met with a wall of silence.
You willingly gave away your dignity.
And now you ~~fucking~~ hate people.
Don’t know how you will ever trust again?
Don’t worry.
You won’t.
At least not the way you trusted them.
And that’s a good thing in the long run.
Lessons can look an awful like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags .
And that’s what they were.
A lesson.
Wrapped in red flags.
Not love.
Just a really ~~fucking~~ hard lesson.

Is Jealousy Inherent to the Human Condition?

A Deeper Dive

Jealousy. Just the word can send a shiver down the spine, conjuring memories of tense moments and strained relationships. But is jealousy a fundamental part of the human condition, or is it an emotional artifact we can outgrow? Let’s explore this intricate emotion from various perspectives to uncover its roots and examine whether it’s an inescapable part of being human.

The Evolutionary Angle: Survival of the Fittest

From an evolutionary standpoint, jealousy is often seen as a survival mechanism. In the ancestral environment, resources such as food, territory, and mates were scarce. Jealousy could have spurred early humans to protect their partnerships and resources, ensuring their genes were passed down.

This primal drive to guard what we perceive as ours can be observed even in children, who often exhibit jealousy before they can even articulate their feelings.

Psychological Perspectives: Attachment and Insecurity

From a psychological lens, jealousy is often linked to attachment styles developed in early childhood. Securely attached individuals might experience jealousy less frequently or intensely, as they generally have a healthier sense of self and trust in relationships. Conversely, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might struggle more with jealousy, reflecting deeper insecurities and fears of abandonment. This suggests that while jealousy can be pervasive, its intensity and frequency can be mitigated through self-awareness and emotional growth.

Cultural Influences: Nurture Over Nature?

Culture plays a significant role in how jealousy is perceived and expressed. In some societies, jealousy is seen as a natural and even necessary component of love and commitment. In others, it’s viewed as a destructive force to be controlled or eradicated.

This cultural variance suggests that while the potential for jealousy exists universally, its manifestation and impact can be shaped by societal norms and values.

The Relationship Context: Boundaries and Communication

In romantic relationships, jealousy can act as both a warning signal and a catalyst for growth. It can indicate underlying issues such as unmet needs, boundary violations, or lack of trust. When addressed constructively, it can lead to deeper communication and stronger bonds. However, unchecked jealousy can spiral into controlling behavior and emotional abuse, highlighting the need for healthy communication and mutual respect.

The Philosophical and Ethical Dimension: Can We Transcend Jealousy?

Philosophically, the question arises: can humans transcend jealousy? Some argue that through mindfulness and emotional intelligence, individuals can recognize jealousy without being controlled by it. This aligns with many spiritual traditions that emphasize detachment and self-awareness as paths to inner peace. By understanding the root causes of our jealousy, we can reframe it as a signal for personal growth rather than a destructive force.

An Inextricable Part of Humanity or a Challenge to Overcome?

So, is jealousy an intrinsic part of the human condition? The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it stems from deep evolutionary roots and can be seen across cultures and ages. No, because its expression and impact are profoundly influenced by individual psychology, cultural context, and personal development.

Ultimately, jealousy is a complex emotion that reflects our deepest fears and desires. By acknowledging its presence and exploring its origins, we can learn to manage it more effectively, transforming it from a source of pain into an opportunity for growth. In this way, jealousy doesn’t have to define us—it can simply be one of the many facets of our rich emotional landscape.

In our journey towards emotional well-being, recognizing and understanding jealousy is crucial. By fostering self-awareness and practicing healthy communication, we can navigate this challenging emotion with grace and resilience, paving the way for more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.

If you’re navigating the turbulent waters of jealousy and need support, professional life coaching can offer guidance and strategies for overcoming these challenges.

At Tranquil Balance Life Coaching, we specialize in helping individuals and couples develop healthier relationships and stronger emotional resilience.

Visit healingmyfeelings.com to learn more and book a session. Together, we can turn jealousy into a stepping stone towards personal growth and deeper connections.

When the Wu & the Seuss collide 🤣

In the depths of struggle, where shadows may roam,
Know deep in your heart, you’re never alone.
Through the storms and the trials, you’ve stood tall,
Your resilience shines, breaking down every wall.

Though wounds may be deep, and scars may remain,
Each step forward, you’re breaking the chain.
With each sunrise, a chance to renew,
To rise from the ashes, and start anew.

Embrace the journey, with courage and grace,
For within you lies, an unyielding space.
A spirit unbroken, a soul so divine,
You’re a beacon of hope, in life’s grand design.

So when doubts try to whisper, and fears start to creep,
Remember your strength, it runs deep.
You’ve conquered before, you’ll conquer again,
For healing is a journey, not a quick win.

L-O-V-E

The love bomb and the discard. The devaluation cycle. You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick. A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope. Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you. Scraps really. And it almost seemed like they were coming back. The silent treatment. A whole lot of the silent treatment. Not being acknowledged at all. Maybe ghosting. What’s the real difference when all is said and done? First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you. Then the stone walling. The gaslighting. The manipulation. The lies. You’ll never have to be alone again. That’s the big lie. It just sounds so appealing. Perfect. But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true. But it was beautiful. Magical. Everything you ever wanted. And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you? Was it real? Was it fake? What about the feelings that you experienced? Was it all in your head? All in your heart? Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up. Early on. They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do. All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply. You could see it in their patterns. In the way that they talked about their exes. Their family. Possibly their boss. Sometimes even their friends. Maybe they outright told you. But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you. Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language. Red flags. Ignored. So many red flags. They certainly are hard to see through those rose colored glasses, aren’t they? And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it? Suffering in silence. Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want. Eliminated every need. If you could just stop. Stop your anxiety. Stop the meltdowns. You didn’t used to be like this. Your nervous system is disregulated. You haven’t cried this much in years. And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down and you do, and you look crazy. Each message obviously distraught. You feel crazy too. And I guess in a way you are.That’s what they’d say, right? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. It was never gonna change. Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back. But you have no fucking self respect, do you? You quieted your own needs. Tried to be less you. Begged. Pleaded. Groveled. Just to be met with a wall of silence. You willingly gave away your dignity. And now you fucking hate people. Don’t know how you will ever trust again. Don’t worry. You won’t. At least not the way you trusted them. And that’s a good thing in the long run. Lessons can look an awful like like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags they’re wearing. And that’s what they were. A lesson. Wrapped in red flags. Not love. Just a really fucking hard lesson.