Category: Thought Box

Recovering from a Narcissistic Relationship: Moving on With Life and Self-Reflection

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be draining and damaging. The experience often
leaves people questioning their own worth, self-esteem, and even their reality. However, once
you’ve decided to leave and move forward, it’s essential to recover and rebuild. Alongside
healing, it’s also worth reflecting on whether certain patterns may be your own responsibility.
This guide will address ways to recover from a narcissistic relationship, how to move on, and
questions to ask yourself if you wonder whether any toxic behaviors are coming from you.

A narcissistic relationship typically centers around one person who shows high levels of
self-interest, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy toward their partner. Narcissists can
be charming and attentive at first but may shift to manipulative, critical, and controlling behavior
as the relationship deepens. They often fail to take accountability, leaving their partner
confused, hurt, and wondering what went wrong.

Signs You Were in a Narcissistic Relationship

    Recognizing the signs of a narcissistic partner is a powerful first step in healing.
    Common signs include:
    Constant criticism or belittling
    Gaslighting, or making you doubt your own experiences and feelings
    An inability to take responsibility for any issues
    Emotional withdrawal when things don’t go their way
    A consistent focus on their own needs, often dismissing yours These behaviors can create a
    cycle of dependency and low self-esteem in the partner, who may feel responsible for the
    narcissist’s happiness or success.

    Emotional Toll of Being with a Narcissist

      The emotional toll of such a relationship can be intense.
      People often experience:
      Anxiety and depression
      Low self-esteem and self-worth
      Trust issues, making future relationships challenging
      Difficulty with boundaries These effects can persist long after the relationship has ended,
      affecting one’s ability to form new, healthy relationships.

      Steps to Start Recovering After the Relationship Ends

        Healing from a narcissistic relationship requires time and patience.
        Here are some essential steps to take:

        1. Go No-Contact or Limit Communication: Distance yourself to prevent further manipulation.
        2. Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic abuse helps to make sense of the trauma.
        3. Set Boundaries: Develop boundaries to protect yourself from future toxic behaviors.
        4. Focus on Personal Growth: Engage in activities that uplift and help you rediscover your
          strengths.
        5. Building Self-Worth and Rediscovering Yourself
          Rebuilding your self-worth is crucial. Consider:
          Journaling: Write about your feelings and experiences.
          Affirmations: Daily affirmations help in rewiring negative self-perceptions.

        Celebrate Small Wins: Recognize progress, no matter how small, to build confidence.

        Practicing Self-Care for Lasting Recovery

          Self-care after a narcissistic relationship can be grounding.
          Dedicate time to activities that nourish you:
          Physical exercise
          Meditation and mindfulness practices
          Healthy eating and sleeping habits These routines help you regain a sense of control and
          calmness.

          Recognizing Healthy Relationship Boundaries

            After being in a toxic relationship, learning to set boundaries is essential. Boundaries keep
            relationships balanced by ensuring both partners feel respected and understood.
            Examples include:
            Respecting personal space and time
            Open communication about feelings
            Mutual respect and consideration Establishing boundaries will help you identify red flags early in
            future relationships.

            Learning from the Past to Prevent Future Toxic Patterns

              Understanding why the relationship went wrong can help prevent similar situations in the future.
              Reflect on:
              What attracted you to your previous partner
              Whether there were any early red flags you ignored
              How you responded to manipulative behaviors Learning from these aspects can help you
              recognize patterns and avoid them moving forward.

              How to Know if the Relationship’s Failure Was Your Fault

                Not every relationship failure is due to narcissism or the other person. Reflecting honestly on
                our own actions is essential to avoid projecting blame unfairly. Some signs that may suggest
                personal responsibility include:
                Frequent arguments stemming from similar issues
                Difficulty in accepting other perspectives
                Habitual behaviors that create tension or discomfort

                Self-Reflection: Are You Contributing to Toxic Patterns?

                  If you have a series of failed relationships, self-reflection might reveal patterns worth
                  addressing.
                  Toxic traits don’t always manifest in obvious ways; they can include:
                  Excessive jealousy or possessiveness
                  Difficulty trusting others without cause
                  A tendency to criticize or withdraw during conflict These patterns don’t necessarily mean you’re
                  “toxic” but highlight areas for growth.

                  Questions to Ask Yourself to Identify Possible Toxic Behaviors

                    Some introspective questions to help identify potential toxic traits:
                    Do I listen actively and consider my partner’s needs?
                    Am I willing to compromise, or do I tend to want things my way?
                    How do I handle conflict? Do I address it or avoid it?
                    Do I project insecurities onto my partner?
                    Answering these questions honestly can provide clarity on whether there are behaviors you should work on for a healthier future.

                    Steps to Improve and Avoid Toxicity in Future Relationships

                      Here’s how to make proactive changes:

                      1. Develop Emotional Awareness: Recognize and manage your emotions before reacting.
                      2. Work on Communication Skills: Use “I” statements to express feelings without blaming.
                      3. Accept Responsibility: When issues arise, own your part in them without defensiveness.
                        These steps foster a positive, collaborative approach to relationships.
                      4. Developing Empathy and Communication Skills

                      Empathy allows you to understand and share your partner’s feelings.
                      To cultivate empathy:
                      Practice active listening without planning your response.
                      Imagine how your partner feels and validate their emotions.
                      Show appreciation and gratitude, creating an environment of respect.

                      Seeking Support: Therapy and Counseling for Deeper Insights

                        Working with a therapist can provide invaluable insights and tools.
                        Therapy helps:
                        Understand unresolved trauma or patterns from past relationships
                        Develop effective coping strategies for emotions and behavior changes
                        Gain confidence in maintaining healthy connections

                        Moving Forward: Embracing Healthier Connections

                          After recognizing patterns and healing from narcissistic abuse, you can move forward with
                          optimism. Establish clear boundaries, communicate openly, and prioritize self-care. Surround
                          yourself with supportive friends and family, and remember that each relationship can teach you
                          something valuable.

                          By taking time to heal, reflect, and grow, you’re better positioned for meaningful, balanced
                          relationships. Moving on from a narcissistic relationship is a challenging journey, but with
                          patience and self-reflection, you can reclaim your confidence and establish healthier
                          connections in the future.

                          Breaking Free from Love Addiction: A Journey to Wholeness

                          When we think about love, we think about connection, intimacy, affection—often, we think about things that make us feel good. What happens when love becomes unhealthy? When it becomes something we chase, need, or crave to the point where it consumes us? That’s where love addiction comes in. Today, we’re going to break it down—what it is, where it comes from, how it impacts us, and most importantly, how we can free ourselves from its grip.

                          Let’s begin by exploring what love addiction really means.

                          1. What is Love Addiction? Understanding the Core

                          Love addiction is an obsession with the idea of love or a particular person. It’s not the type of love that builds you up or fosters growth. Instead, it’s a dependency that leaves you feeling empty without constant validation or affection. Love addiction is about seeking another person to fulfill the emotional needs that you cannot—or do not—fulfill within yourself.

                          Think about it this way: in a healthy relationship, love is mutual. There’s balance, respect, and boundaries. But in love addiction, the scales are tipped. One person often becomes completely enmeshed in the other, losing their sense of self. When you rely on someone else for your identity, your self-worth, and your happiness, that’s not love—that’s addiction. And just like any addiction, it can be destructive.

                          What’s important to understand here is that love addiction is not just about “loving too much” or being overly devoted. It’s about dependency. It’s about the need to have someone there, regardless of whether the relationship is healthy or not. The love addict will often stay in toxic or one-sided relationships because the fear of being alone or unloved is stronger than the desire for self-respect or well-being.

                          2. The Neuroscience of Love Addiction

                          To understand love addiction more deeply, let’s take a look at what’s happening inside the brain. When we fall in love, our brain releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These are the “feel-good” chemicals that make you feel euphoric and happy. They give you that initial rush, the butterflies, and the sense that you’re on cloud nine. This is normal in the early stages of love, and it’s part of what bonds us to others.

                          For someone with love addiction, that initial high is something they become dependent on. Their brain craves that rush, much like a drug addict craves their next fix. When the relationship hits rough patches or when the attention from their partner fades, the withdrawal sets in. This can manifest as anxiety, fear, panic, and even depression. The love addict will often do anything to get that “high” back, even if it means sacrificing their own well-being or ignoring red flags in the relationship.

                          I want you to reflect for a moment—have you ever felt desperate to keep someone in your life, even when you knew the relationship was unhealthy? Have you ever found yourself chasing someone’s love, affection, or attention at the cost of your own happiness? If so, you may have experienced love addiction firsthand.

                          3. The Root of Love Addiction: Where Does It Come From?

                          Like most forms of addiction, love addiction doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. It often has deep roots in our past, particularly in our childhood experiences and early relationships.

                          Attachment theory tells us that the way we were loved (or not loved) as children has a profound impact on how we love and relate to others as adults. If you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional, scarce, or inconsistent, you might develop what’s known as an anxious attachment style. This means you’re constantly seeking reassurance and validation in your relationships because, deep down, you fear abandonment.

                          For instance, someone with an anxious attachment style may have grown up with emotionally unavailable parents. These parents might have provided physical care, but they weren’t there for emotional support. The child, desperate for love and affection, learns to chase any crumb of attention they get. This pattern often continues into adulthood, where they find themselves in relationships where they give too much and expect too little in return.

                          Picture a young boy whose father was distant, emotionally cold. This boy spent his childhood trying to gain his father’s approval, thinking, “If I just do better, if I just try harder, maybe he’ll love me more.” As an adult, this man carries the same mindset into his romantic relationships. He believes that love must be earned, that he has to work tirelessly to be “good enough” for his partner. This is love addiction—constantly seeking love from others because you don’t believe you’re worthy of it on your own.

                          4. The Impact of Love Addiction: How It Affects Your Life

                          Love addiction doesn’t just affect your relationships—it affects every area of your existence.

                          Mental health: Love addiction is emotionally draining. The constant cycle of highs and lows can lead to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. When you tie your emotional well-being to another person’s behavior or presence, you create an unstable foundation. The ups and downs of love addiction can leave you feeling like you’re on an emotional roller coaster, never able to fully relax or find peace.

                          Identity: Love addiction often leads to a loss of identity. People who struggle with it tend to merge their identity with their partner’s. Their hobbies, interests, and goals take a backseat because the relationship becomes their sole focus. Over time, they lose sight of who they are outside of the relationship. This can leave you feeling lost or empty when the relationship ends or faces challenges.

                          Self-worth: Perhaps one of the most damaging effects of love addiction is the erosion of self-worth. Many love addicts tie their value as a person to their ability to be loved or wanted by someone else. If the relationship is going well, they feel good about themselves. If the relationship is struggling, they internalize that struggle, believing that they’re unworthy or unlovable.

                          Now, let’s pause for a moment. I want to ask you to reflect on this:

                          What parts of yourself have you sacrificed for love?

                          Have you ever lost sight of your goals, given up your passions, or silenced your voice in a relationship just to keep someone happy? These are the costs of love addiction. It robs you of your sense of self.

                          5. Why is Love Addiction So Hard to Break?

                          Breaking free from love addiction isn’t easy. There are several reasons why it’s so hard to let go, even when we know a relationship is hurting us.

                          One of the most significant reasons is fear—specifically, the fear of being alone. Many love addicts would rather stay in a toxic or one-sided relationship than face the discomfort of solitude. Being alone can trigger deep insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, and the belief that if you aren’t in a relationship, you’re somehow failing.

                          Society doesn’t help either. We’re constantly bombarded with messages that glorify the idea of “unconditional love” and staying together at all costs. We see movies, TV shows, and books that romanticize relationships where people sacrifice everything for love. But true love—healthy love—doesn’t ask you to lose yourself. It doesn’t require you to endure pain or suffering. Love addiction, however, keeps you trapped in this cycle of self-sacrifice and emotional turmoil because the fear of losing love feels worse than the pain of staying in the relationship.

                          6. Steps to Breaking Free from Love Addiction

                          Recovery from love addiction is absolutely possible, but it takes time, effort, and commitment to self-awareness and healing.

                          Step 1: Acknowledge the Problem

                          The first step to overcoming love addiction is recognizing that it exists in your life. This requires deep honesty with yourself. Are you using relationships to fill a void? Do you find yourself staying in relationships that hurt you because you’re afraid of being alone? Awareness is key to breaking the cycle.

                          Step 2: Cultivate Self-Love

                          At the core of love addiction is a lack of self-love. When you don’t believe that you’re enough on your own, you seek validation from others. Learning to love yourself—to truly value and appreciate who you are—is essential for recovery. This isn’t just about surface-level self-care practices. It’s about doing the deep inner work to heal old wounds and create a sense of worthiness from within.

                          Step 3: Set Boundaries

                          One of the most important skills in overcoming love addiction is learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and help you stay connected to your own needs and desires. Start small—identify areas in your relationship where your boundaries have been crossed, and practice asserting your needs. It’s not selfish to set boundaries; it’s essential for your emotional health.

                          Step 4: Embrace Being Alone

                          One of the greatest fears for love addicts is being alone. But solitude isn’t something to fear—it’s something to embrace

                          One of the most transformative steps in breaking free from love addiction is learning to embrace solitude. Often, we fear being alone because it forces us to face our insecurities and unresolved emotional wounds. But solitude can be a time of profound healing and self-discovery. It allows you to reconnect with who you are, apart from any romantic relationship.

                          Spending time alone helps you build a sense of autonomy and self-reliance. When you learn to enjoy your own company, you no longer feel desperate for someone else to fill that space. You realize that being alone doesn’t mean you’re unloved—it means you’re prioritizing your well-being. It means you’re giving yourself the attention and care that you might have previously sought in others.

                          Think about the last time you were truly alone—not just physically, but emotionally. Did you embrace it, or did it make you uncomfortable? Start with small steps. Spend time doing things that bring you joy or peace, whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or pursuing a creative hobby. The goal is to find fulfillment within yourself, rather than seeking it externally.

                          7. Rebuilding Your Identity: Who Are You Without the Addiction?

                          As you move through the recovery process, a crucial part of your journey will be rediscovering your identity—who you are outside of the roles you’ve played in relationships. Many love addicts lose themselves in their partners, becoming so enmeshed that they no longer recognize their own thoughts, desires, or needs. Now is the time to reclaim that.

                          Ask yourself these questions:

                          What do I enjoy doing when I’m not in a relationship?

                          What are my passions, my goals, my dreams?

                          Who am I when I’m not defined by another person’s expectations or validation?

                          This process of self-reclamation can feel daunting at first, especially if you’ve spent years defining yourself through your relationships. But it’s also incredibly liberating. As you begin to explore your own interests and values, you’ll find a sense of freedom that wasn’t available to you before.

                          Maybe you’ll rediscover a hobby you loved in childhood but gave up as an adult. Maybe you’ll find a new passion that excites you. This is your time to explore, to grow, and to become the person you were always meant to be—someone who is whole and complete without needing anyone else to validate that for you.

                          8. Redefining Love: What Does Healthy Love Look Like?

                          One of the most challenging aspects of recovering from love addiction is relearning what healthy love looks like. For many love addicts, their view of love has been distorted by past experiences—particularly those rooted in trauma or attachment wounds. So, how do we define love in a way that supports our growth, rather than undermines it?

                          Healthy love is about mutual respect, trust, and partnership. It’s about two whole individuals coming together, not out of a need to complete each other, but to enhance each other’s lives. In a healthy relationship:

                          Boundaries are respected: Both partners honor each other’s needs and space without feeling threatened or abandoned.

                          Independence is encouraged: Each person is free to pursue their own interests and maintain their individuality, while still being part of the relationship.

                          There is emotional safety: Both partners feel safe expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or rejection.

                          Most importantly, healthy love is not about perfection. It’s about growth. It’s about two people committing to working through challenges together, but never at the expense of their individual well-being. It’s about creating a relationship that enhances your life, rather than drains it.

                          9. The Role of Therapy and Support Groups in Recovery

                          For many, the journey to healing from love addiction is not one they can take alone. Therapy and support groups can be essential tools in this process, providing a safe space to explore your emotional wounds, confront your fears, and learn new, healthier patterns of relating.

                          Working with a therapist,life coach,counselor particularly one trained in attachment theory or relationship issues, can help you understand the root causes of your love addiction. They can guide you through the process of healing old wounds, building self-love, and developing healthier relationship skills.

                          Support groups, like the ones I facilitate, offer a sense of community and understanding. Love addiction can feel isolating. You may feel ashamed, guilty, or like no one else understands your struggles. In a support group, you’ll meet others who are on a similar journey—people who have faced the same fears, the same patterns, and the same struggles. Together, you can support each other in breaking free from the cycle of love addiction.

                          If you haven’t already, I encourage you to explore options for therapy or support. Whether it’s one-on-one counseling or joining a group, having others walk this path with you can make a world of difference.

                          10. Moving Forward: Creating a Life Beyond Love Addiction

                          I want to leave you with this: healing from love addiction is not just about ending unhealthy relationships or breaking old patterns. It’s about creating a new vision for your life—one that is filled with self-love, healthy connections, and a sense of purpose that isn’t tied to someone else.

                          Imagine what your life could look like if you were free from the cycle of love addiction. What would it feel like to wake up each day and know that your happiness, your sense of worth, and your identity don’t depend on anyone else’s love or approval?

                          Picture yourself in relationships where you are valued, respected, and cherished—not because you’ve had to chase or earn it, but because you are inherently worthy of it. Imagine having friendships, family connections, and romantic partnerships where love is mutual, where boundaries are respected, and where you feel free to be your authentic self.

                          But most importantly, imagine what it would be like to truly love yourself. To know, deep down, that you are enough just as you are. That you don’t need to seek love from anyone else to validate your worth, because you already know you are worthy. This is the life that is possible for you once you break free from love addiction.

                          You Deserve a Love that Heals, Not Hurts

                          I want to remind you of something: you deserve a love that heals, not hurts. You deserve relationships that build you up, not tear you down. And most importantly, you deserve to be whole and happy, with or without a relationship.

                          Breaking free from love addiction is not easy, but it is possible. It requires courage, self-reflection, and a commitment to healing. But the rewards are profound. On the other side of this journey is a life of freedom, authenticity, and true connection—both with yourself and with others.

                          So, take this journey step by step. Be patient with yourself. Surround yourself with support. And remember, you are not alone in this. There is a community of people, including myself, who understand what you’re going through and who are here to walk this path with you.

                          I hope this has sparked something within you—whether it’s a new understanding of love addiction, a realization about your own relationships, or simply a reminder that you are worthy of love, just as you are.

                          I look forward to seeing how you move forward from here, and I’m honored to be part of your journey to healing and wholeness.

                          Understanding Attachment Styles: How Love Addiction Attracts Narcissistic Relationships

                          In today’s complex dating world, the dynamic between love addiction and narcissistic relationships has gained significant attention. These toxic pairings often leave individuals feeling drained, emotionally manipulated, and trapped in unhealthy cycles. But why do certain attachment styles make some of us more susceptible to love addiction and the manipulation of narcissistic partners?

                          To fully understand this dynamic, we need to dive into attachment theory and examine how different attachment styles can shape our romantic relationships—and sometimes make us easy prey for narcissists.

                          Attachment Styles: The Blueprint of Our Relationships

                          Attachment styles, developed through early childhood interactions with caregivers, form the foundation for how we bond with others as adults. Psychologist John Bowlby and later researcher Mary Ainsworth pioneered the concept, which identifies four main attachment styles:

                          1. Secure Attachment: These individuals are comfortable with intimacy and trust, forming healthy, balanced relationships.

                          2. Anxious Attachment: People with this style fear abandonment and often become emotionally dependent, constantly seeking validation.

                          3. Avoidant Attachment: Avoidant individuals keep emotional distance and prefer independence over vulnerability.

                          4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment: This style is a mix of both anxious and avoidant tendencies, often rooted in trauma, causing intense internal conflict when it comes to intimacy.

                          While secure attachment tends to foster healthy and fulfilling relationships, those with anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment styles are often at higher risk of falling into the trap of love addiction—a compulsive need for romantic relationships—and finding themselves intertwined with narcissistic partners.

                          What Is Love Addiction?

                          Love addiction is not just about being infatuated or deeply in love—it’s an unhealthy obsession with the idea of love and romantic connection. Love addicts often feel incomplete without a partner and will endure unhealthy behaviors, including emotional neglect or abuse, just to maintain a relationship. They confuse intensity with intimacy, mistaking the highs and lows of volatile relationships for passionate love.

                          Key signs of love addiction include:

                          • Fear of being alone or single
                          • Constant need for validation from a romantic partner
                          • Ignoring red flags or abusive behavior just to keep the relationship
                          • Losing your sense of self within a relationship

                          For love addicts, being in a relationship is not about mutual growth or respect but about filling an emotional void that stems from low self-esteem or unresolved attachment wounds.

                          How Love Addiction Attracts Narcissistic Relationships

                          Narcissists thrive on admiration, attention, and control. They are experts at manipulating others, drawing them in with charm and grandiose gestures, only to later use their partners’ emotional vulnerabilities against them. This is where love addiction comes into play.

                          Individuals with an anxious or fearful-avoidant attachment style—who are prone to love addiction—often make perfect targets for narcissists. Why? Because narcissists can easily identify and exploit their deep-seated fear of abandonment, need for validation, and willingness to sacrifice themselves for the relationship.

                          Here’s how the cycle often plays out:

                          1. Love Bombing: In the early stages, a narcissist showers the love addict with affection, compliments, and attention. This triggers the love addict’s fear of abandonment and fulfills their craving for validation, creating a powerful emotional bond.

                          2. Manipulation: As the relationship progresses, the narcissist begins to withdraw affection, subtly criticize, and manipulate their partner, triggering anxiety and fear in the love addict. The love addict, desperate to return to the initial phase of idealization, tolerates the behavior in hopes of regaining the narcissist’s approval.

                          3. Trauma Bonding: The cycle of intermittent reinforcement—oscillating between affection and cruelty—creates a trauma bond, where the love addict becomes emotionally dependent on the narcissist, despite the pain they cause. The narcissist uses this bond to maintain control, knowing the love addict’s fear of being alone keeps them trapped.

                          4. Devaluation and Discard: Eventually, the narcissist may devalue or discard the love addict once they’ve extracted all the attention and admiration they need, leaving the love addict devastated and craving the narcissist’s validation even more.

                          This cycle is especially damaging for those with an anxious or disorganized attachment style, as it reinforces their underlying belief that love is conditional, and they must earn it by proving their worth.

                          Breaking the Cycle: Steps Toward Healing

                          The good news is that understanding your attachment style and the dangers of love addiction is the first step in breaking free from toxic, narcissistic relationships. Here’s how you can start the healing process:

                          1. Recognize the Patterns: Awareness is crucial. Identify the unhealthy patterns in your relationship and acknowledge how your attachment style may be contributing to your choices. If you notice you’re constantly seeking validation from a partner who is emotionally unavailable or manipulative, it’s time to reflect on the underlying reasons.

                          2. Build Emotional Independence: Love addiction often stems from a lack of self-worth. Begin focusing on your personal growth, building self-esteem, and learning to enjoy your own company. Practice setting boundaries and saying no to relationships that compromise your well-being.

                          3. Seek Therapy: Therapy, particularly attachment-based or trauma-informed therapy, can help you unpack childhood wounds and attachment issues that lead to love addiction. Working with a professional can provide the tools you need to foster healthier attachment patterns.

                          4. Surround Yourself with Support: Break free from isolation by leaning on friends, family, or support groups. Emotional support from non-romantic relationships is crucial for gaining perspective and healing from toxic relationships.

                          5. Rewire Your Attachment Style: While attachment styles are formed in childhood, they are not set in stone. With time, self-reflection, and therapy, you can shift toward a more secure attachment style, where love is based on mutual respect, trust, and emotional intimacy—free from the toxic patterns of love addiction and narcissistic manipulation.

                          Love addiction and narcissistic relationships often form a destructive and heartbreaking cycle, but breaking free is possible. By understanding how attachment styles influence your relationships, you can begin to heal, cultivate self-love, and create healthier connections. The journey may be challenging, but the reward—emotional freedom and genuine intimacy—is worth every step.

                          If you recognize these patterns in your own life, know that you are not alone. Healing is possible, and there is support available for you.

                          For more insight on healing from toxic relationships or to book a coaching session, visit www.stullerAM.blog or contact me at Info@healingmyfeelings.com.

                          A Journey of Gratitude: Reconnecting with the Person Who Gave Me My Second Chance

                          Sometimes in life, we meet someone who leaves an indelible mark on our soul—a person whose presence shifts the course of our journey in ways we could never have imagined. For me, that person came into my life in 2019, during one of the most challenging periods I’ve ever faced.

                          Diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroendocrine cancer, I was met with closed doors at nearly every turn. Other hospitals refused to operate, leaving me with little hope. But then, I was introduced to someone who, through her connections with Moffitt Cancer Center, offered a lifeline I so desperately needed. She believed in my fight and in the possibility of a second chance, and because of her, I’m still here today.

                          She’s been on my mind ever since, and as I reflect on my journey, I realize just how much I owe her. It’s not just the gift of life that she gave me, but the hope, the belief that there was a future worth fighting for.

                          The Power of Gratitude

                          Gratitude is more than just a thank you—it’s a profound acknowledgment of the impact someone has had on our lives. It’s an emotion that carries weight, and when expressed, it can create a ripple effect of positivity and connection. Gratitude helps us focus on what we have rather than what we lack, and it fosters a deeper appreciation for the people and moments that shape us.

                          So how do we show gratitude? Here are a few examples:

                          1. A Heartfelt Note: Writing a letter to express your gratitude can be incredibly meaningful. It allows you to convey emotions and thoughts that might be difficult to express verbally.
                          2. Pay It Forward: Sometimes the best way to show gratitude is by helping someone else. Whether it’s volunteering, offering support to someone in need, or simply being there for a friend, paying it forward keeps the cycle of kindness going.
                          3. Reconnect: Reach out to those who have made a difference in your life, as I’ve done with the person who gave me my second chance. Let them know the impact they’ve had on you and how much you appreciate them.

                          Reflecting on the Helpers Along the Way

                          As I look back on my journey, I am reminded of all the people who stood by me—friends, family, medical professionals, and even strangers. Each of them played a role in my survival, whether they knew it or not. Their support, love, and encouragement gave me the strength to keep going.

                          We often pride ourselves on our resilience, on our ability to withstand life’s storms. But did we really make it alone? I know I didn’t. And that’s okay—because the truth is, we’re all interconnected. Our stories, our struggles, and our victories are woven together by the people who touch our lives.

                          So, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect on those who have helped you along the way. Reach out, express your gratitude, and let them know that they’ve made a difference. Because while we may be resilient, it’s the love and support of others that truly carry us through.

                          In reconnecting with the person who saved my life, I am reminded of the incredible power of gratitude. It’s a reminder to not only cherish the second chance I’ve been given but to also honor those who helped me get here.

                          We are stronger together, and sometimes, a simple thank you can change everything.

                          Hanna : a “thank you” will never be the right words to convey my strong emotions towards your kindness, friendship, and everything in between.

                          I wish you a lifetime of happiness and thank you for existing. This world needs more people like you in it.

                          The Demise of a Relationship: Understanding, Blame, and Healing

                          Relationships often begin with passion and excitement, but unfortunately, not all last forever. The end of a relationship can be a complex and painful process, influenced by various factors, including our attachment styles. After observing many and hearing from others. I've explored the typical stages of a relationship's demise, how attachment styles contribute to its downfall, and offering a step-by-step guide to repairing ourselves and our relationships.

                          The Demise of a Relationship: A Step-by-Step Breakdown

                          1. Initial Signs of Trouble
                          Communication Breakdown: Conversations become less frequent and more superficial.
                          Emotional Distance: Partners start feeling emotionally disconnected.
                          Increased Conflicts: Small disagreements escalate into major arguments.

                          2. Escalation of Problems
                          Lack of Intimacy: Physical and emotional intimacy decline.
                          Loss of Trust: Incidents of betrayal or dishonesty erode trust.
                          Growing Resentment: Unresolved issues lead to resentment and bitterness.

                          3.Crisis Point
                          Ultimatums: One or both partners issue ultimatums about the relationship.
                          Major Conflicts: Arguments become more intense and frequent.
                          Consideration of Separation: Thoughts of breaking up become more prevalent

                          4. Decision to End the Relationship
                          Mutual Agreement or Unilateral Decision: The decision to part ways is made.
                          Practical Arrangements: Discussions about living arrangements, finances, and other logistical issues.

                          5. Aftermath
                          Grieving Process: Both partners go through a period of mourning the relationship.
                          Adjusting to Single Life: Reestablishing routines and rebuilding individual identities.

                          Attachment Styles and Their Role in Relationship Demise
                          Secure Attachment
                          Characteristics: Confidence in the relationship, good communication, and emotional support.
                          Potential Issues: Even secure attachments can suffer if external stressors are too great or if partners grow apart over time.
                          Anxious Attachment
                          Characteristics: Fear of abandonment, need for constant reassurance, and high sensitivity to partner’s actions.
                          Contribution to Demise: Anxiety can lead to clinginess, jealousy, and intense emotional reactions, pushing the partner away.
                          Avoidant Attachment
                          Characteristics: Discomfort with closeness, emotional distance, and self-reliance.
                          Contribution to Demise: Avoidant partners may withdraw emotionally, making it difficult to maintain intimacy and trust.
                          Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
                          Characteristics: Desire for closeness but fear of getting hurt, resulting in mixed signals.
                          Contribution to Demise: The push-pull dynamic can create instability and confusion in the relationship.

                          Repairing Ourselves and Our Relationships: A Step-by-Step GuideSelf-
                          Reflection and Awareness
                          Identify Attachment Style: Understand your attachment style and how it affects your relationships.
                          Acknowledge Past Mistakes: Reflect on your role in the relationship’s demise without self-blame.

                          Healing and Self-Care
                          Seek Therapy: Professional help can provide tools for emotional healing and self-improvement.
                          Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself during the healing process.
                          Engage in Activities You Love: Reconnect with hobbies and interests that bring you joy.

                          Improving Communication Skills
                          Active Listening: Practice listening to understand, not just to respond.
                          Express Emotions Clearly: Share your feelings and needs openly and honestly.
                          Conflict Resolution: Learn healthy ways to resolve disagreements without escalation.

                          Building Healthy Relationships
                          Establish Boundaries: Set and respect personal boundaries to create a sense of safety.
                          Foster Trust: Build trust through consistency, reliability, and honesty.
                          Prioritize Intimacy: Make time for emotional and physical closeness.

                          Continued Growth
                          Stay Mindful: Continuously practice self-awareness and mindfulness in your interactions.
                          Adapt and Learn: Be open to learning from each relationship experience and adapting your approach.

                          Lets Face It!
                          The end of a relationship is a challenging journey, often influenced by our attachment styles. Understanding the stages of relationship demise and the role of attachment styles can help us navigate the healing process. By focusing on self-reflection, healing, communication, and building healthy relationships, we can repair ourselves and create more fulfilling connections in the future.

                          L-O-V-E

                          The love bomb and the discard.
                          The devaluation cycle.
                          You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick.
                          A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope.
                          Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you.
                          Scraps really.
                          And it almost seemed like they were coming back.
                          The silent treatment.
                          A whole lot of the silent treatment.
                          Not being acknowledged at all.
                          Maybe ghosting.
                          What’s the real difference when all is said and done?
                          First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you.
                          Then the stone walling.
                          The gaslighting.
                          The manipulation.
                          The lies.
                          You’ll never have to be alone again.
                          That’s the big lie.
                          It just sounds so appealing.
                          Perfect.
                          But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true.
                          But it was beautiful.
                          Magical.
                          Everything you ever wanted.
                          And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you?
                          Was it real? Was it fake?
                          What about the feelings that you experienced?
                          Was it all in your head?
                          All in your heart?
                          Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up.
                          Early on.
                          They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do.
                          All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply.
                          You could see it in their patterns.
                          In the way that they talked about their exes.
                          Their family.
                          Possibly their boss.
                          Sometimes even their friends.
                          Maybe they outright told you.
                          But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you.
                          Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language.
                          Red flags.
                          Ignored.
                          So many red flags.
                          They certainly are hard to see through those rose-colored glasses, aren’t they?
                          And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it?
                          Suffering in silence.
                          Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want.
                          Eliminated every need.
                          If you could just stop.
                          Stop your anxiety.
                          Stop the meltdowns.
                          You didn’t used to be like this.
                          Your nervous system is disregulated.
                          You haven’t cried this much in years.
                          And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down
                          and you do,
                          and you look crazy.
                          Each message obviously distraught.
                          You feel crazy too.
                          And I guess in a way you are.
                          That’s what they’d say, right?
                          Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
                          It was never going to change.
                          Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back.
                          But you have no fucking self-respect, do you?
                          You quieted your own needs.
                          Tried to be less YOU.
                          Begged.
                          Pleaded.
                          Groveled.
                          Just to be met with a wall of silence.
                          You willingly gave away your dignity.
                          And now you fucking hate people.
                          Don’t know how you will ever trust again?
                          Don’t worry.
                          You won’t.
                          At least not the way you trusted them.
                          And that’s a good thing in the long run.
                          Lessons can look an awful like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags .
                          And that’s what they were.
                          A lesson.
                          Wrapped in red flags.
                          Not love.
                          Just a really fucking hard lesson.

                          Is Jealousy Inherent to the Human Condition?

                          A Deeper Dive

                          Jealousy. Just the word can send a shiver down the spine, conjuring memories of tense moments and strained relationships. But is jealousy a fundamental part of the human condition, or is it an emotional artifact we can outgrow? Let’s explore this intricate emotion from various perspectives to uncover its roots and examine whether it’s an inescapable part of being human.

                          The Evolutionary Angle: Survival of the Fittest

                          From an evolutionary standpoint, jealousy is often seen as a survival mechanism. In the ancestral environment, resources such as food, territory, and mates were scarce. Jealousy could have spurred early humans to protect their partnerships and resources, ensuring their genes were passed down.

                          This primal drive to guard what we perceive as ours can be observed even in children, who often exhibit jealousy before they can even articulate their feelings.

                          Psychological Perspectives: Attachment and Insecurity

                          From a psychological lens, jealousy is often linked to attachment styles developed in early childhood. Securely attached individuals might experience jealousy less frequently or intensely, as they generally have a healthier sense of self and trust in relationships. Conversely, those with anxious or avoidant attachment styles might struggle more with jealousy, reflecting deeper insecurities and fears of abandonment. This suggests that while jealousy can be pervasive, its intensity and frequency can be mitigated through self-awareness and emotional growth.

                          Cultural Influences: Nurture Over Nature?

                          Culture plays a significant role in how jealousy is perceived and expressed. In some societies, jealousy is seen as a natural and even necessary component of love and commitment. In others, it’s viewed as a destructive force to be controlled or eradicated.

                          This cultural variance suggests that while the potential for jealousy exists universally, its manifestation and impact can be shaped by societal norms and values.

                          The Relationship Context: Boundaries and Communication

                          In romantic relationships, jealousy can act as both a warning signal and a catalyst for growth. It can indicate underlying issues such as unmet needs, boundary violations, or lack of trust. When addressed constructively, it can lead to deeper communication and stronger bonds. However, unchecked jealousy can spiral into controlling behavior and emotional abuse, highlighting the need for healthy communication and mutual respect.

                          The Philosophical and Ethical Dimension: Can We Transcend Jealousy?

                          Philosophically, the question arises: can humans transcend jealousy? Some argue that through mindfulness and emotional intelligence, individuals can recognize jealousy without being controlled by it. This aligns with many spiritual traditions that emphasize detachment and self-awareness as paths to inner peace. By understanding the root causes of our jealousy, we can reframe it as a signal for personal growth rather than a destructive force.

                          An Inextricable Part of Humanity or a Challenge to Overcome?

                          So, is jealousy an intrinsic part of the human condition? The answer is both yes and no. Yes, because it stems from deep evolutionary roots and can be seen across cultures and ages. No, because its expression and impact are profoundly influenced by individual psychology, cultural context, and personal development.

                          Ultimately, jealousy is a complex emotion that reflects our deepest fears and desires. By acknowledging its presence and exploring its origins, we can learn to manage it more effectively, transforming it from a source of pain into an opportunity for growth. In this way, jealousy doesn’t have to define us—it can simply be one of the many facets of our rich emotional landscape.

                          In our journey towards emotional well-being, recognizing and understanding jealousy is crucial. By fostering self-awareness and practicing healthy communication, we can navigate this challenging emotion with grace and resilience, paving the way for more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.

                          If you’re navigating the turbulent waters of jealousy and need support, professional life coaching can offer guidance and strategies for overcoming these challenges.

                          At Tranquil Balance Life Coaching, we specialize in helping individuals and couples develop healthier relationships and stronger emotional resilience.

                          Visit healingmyfeelings.com to learn more and book a session. Together, we can turn jealousy into a stepping stone towards personal growth and deeper connections.

                          Only the strong will survive

                          Today, I come before you with a message of truth, a message that may be difficult to hear but is essential for our spiritual growth and well-being. It is a message about the company we keep, the words we speak, and the toxic patterns that can entangle our lives if we are not vigilant.

                          We live in a world where gossip, slander, and backbiting have become all too common. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, to join in the conversations that tear others down, thinking ourselves immune to the consequences. But let me tell you, my friends, those who talk about others are not your friends.

                          You see, gossip is like a poisonous snake, slithering its way into our hearts and minds, poisoning our relationships and corroding our souls. And those who engage in gossip, who revel in the misfortune of others, are not to be trusted. For if they speak ill of others in our presence, what makes us think they won’t do the same behind our backs?

                          But here’s the thing, my dear ones: we are not exempt from the effects of gossip just because we choose not to participate. No, gossip has a way of finding its way back to us, like a boomerang returning to its sender. And if we surround ourselves with those who thrive on negativity, who delight in tearing others down, we will inevitably become ensnared in their toxic web.

                          So, I implore you to wise up, to open your eyes to the true nature of those around you. Surround yourself with people who uplift, encourage, and support you, not those who revel in gossip and slander. Choose your company wisely, for it is a reflection of who you are and who you aspire to be.

                          And for those who find themselves caught in the cycle of toxic gossip, know that healing is possible. But it requires honesty, humility, and a willingness to confront the darkness within. Seek out the support of trusted friends, family, or spiritual advisors who can guide you on the path to redemption and restoration.

                          Remember, my friends, we are all on a journey of growth and transformation. Let us strive to be beacons of light in a world shrouded in darkness, spreading love, kindness, and compassion wherever we go.

                          Understanding and Overcoming Limerence: Your Guide to Healthy Relationships

                          How can you beat limerence?

                          Well, consider this…

                          Are you completely head over heels for someone you’ve only just met? Do you find yourself daydreaming about your future together? Do you have situationship?

                          You might think it’s love – but it could be limerence.

                          Learning the signs of limerence, understanding the downsides, and learning how to overcome it can be a helpful tool for personal growth, the recovery process, and becoming a more securely attached individual.

                          With that in mind, here’s your guide to how to permanently beat limerence.

                          What is Limerence?

                          Limerence is extreme infatuation: a state of being obsessed with another person with an intense desire to reciprocate feelings.

                          The powerful feelings of limerence are met in a person’s fantasy, as their reality is not meeting their emotional needs.

                          The difference between true or romantic love and limerence was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s.

                          She summarized that those who had encountered trauma in childhood were more likely to experience limerent thoughts and feelings later in life.

                          Limerence comes from early childhood, especially if the person has a tough, negative, and unsupportive upbringing. Unmet needs of connection, emotional support, and validation causes the person to develop patterns where they fear abandonment and intimacy.

                          This leads to patterns where the person projects their insecurities and unmet needs onto potential love interests, as there is a belief that the person will fulfill those needs and solve all problems. This unconscious response leads to limerence.

                          In terms of attachment styles, it’s more common with insecure attachment styles, particularly anxious attached people

                          The issue is that sometimes people can’t tell if they’re in love or limerance.

                          Here’s how you can tell. WATCH: Learn the warning signs of Limerence

                          What are the Signs of Limerence?

                          Being able to tell the difference between true love and limerence is essential.

                          Here are six signs that you might be experiencing the latter, not the former:

                          Obsessive thinking of the person.

                          A common trait for limerent obsession. This doesn’t just include thinking about them all day but also making life choices around their needs or wants (such as choosing their favorite music or what to wear around them).

                          Extreme longing.

                          You might experience a deep sense of sadness and frustration that you can’t be with the person, whether that’s a trusted friend, colleague, or another partner. It gets to the point that you might feel actual pain as you’re in an intense emotional state.

                          Extreme fear of rejection or disconnection from this person.

                          The underlying feeling is that you fear being rejected by this person if you do something wrong around them. You wouldn’t be doing that if you’re in love with someone as they would accept mistakes from you.

                          Fantazing the reciprocation.

                          Do you daydream about your future, marriage, children, holidays, and all these fantasies of where this relationship can go – despite not forming a proper relationship with this person? This is when you fantasize about the emotional reciprocation, and it can lead to overwhelming desire and strong emotions.

                          Putting the person on a pedestal.

                          This is when you believe the person is untouchable and can do no wrong. You crave their affection and intimacy. But it’s not them that’s amazing; it’s a reflection of your lack of self-belief and confidence.

                          Obsessive behaviors.

                          Over time, you begin to take more “controlling” obsessive actions, including always calling, clinging to them, and trying to control the person and your life. In some cases, this relates to compulsive disorders, such as OCD.

                          What are the Downsides of Limerence?

                          The issue with limerence is that there are two sides to the coin: feeling euphoria and excitement around forming this fantasy relationship can be great. The other side is that it can destabilize relationships with ourselves and our lives.

                          Here’s how limerence can negatively impact you:

                          Self-abandonment. When you constantly think about the other person, you’re not present in your own life. Due to a lack of self-awareness, you tend to put yourself second, lowering your self-worth and self-love. This can lead to anxiety, depression, lower self-esteem, and hopelessness.

                          Obsessiveness. You become so obsessed that it destabilizes your social life, social groups, family relationships, marriage (through infidelity or affairs thanks to feeling “romantic love”), and career.

                          They don’t work out long-term. This intense feeling makes you become obsessive and controlling, so you end up pushing the other person away.

                          Destructive actions follow. As mentioned above, your obsessive behaviors make you do things you don’t normally do, causing issues within the relationship – and leading to it not working out. Which, in turn, impacts your emotional well-being and mental health.

                          girl with limerence

                          How to Beat Limerence

                          Address and meet your subconscious needs.

                          When you’re in a limerent state, it’s because your emotional needs are not being met in your reality. The person you’ve obsessing over is highlighting traits that you want for yourself. Ultimately, they can’t give it to you.

                          You have to identify those needs yourself and work to build healthy habits to meet them.

                          These strategies include setting up a time to check your feelings and needs, encouraging and complimenting yourself more often, and reassuring yourself you can do it. This is the kind of support that Tranquil Balance offers as part of our All-Access Pass.

                          Express our repressed traits.

                          You must acknowledge and practice the repressed traits you love from the person. It’s an essential part of the healing process.

                          For example, suppose the other person is assertive and strong. In that case, you now have to express and practice those traits in a consistent manner (as mentioned in the advice above) to help get your needs met.

                          Developing a subconscious comfort zone.

                          You have to find a comfort zone in how you treat your feelings and needs.

                          This will take to develop. You’ll have to find your own mental zone where you can express your needs comfortably to yourself and others.

                          Developing a secure attachment to yourself will help you find this comfort zone naturally.

                          Setting boundaries.

                          Setting healthy boundaries when limerence arises with a person is extremely useful. You have to put a pause and think about your intrusive thoughts and actions when around this person.

                          Set up physical boundaries (so you don’t bump into them), thought boundaries (think alternative thoughts on the person), and emotional boundaries (don’t attach your feelings towards them).

                          The more often you do this, the stronger your boundaries will become, helping you focus on yourself, not them.

                          Challenge the equilibrium.

                          When you have limerence, you only see the good in that person. But you really have to consider the traits you were attached to and the downsides to those traits; it’s about gaining valuable insights into the real individual. It’s almost like grieving the situationship.

                          Find out the person’s flaws to see who the person is. An example could be financial instability. Do they spend money without considering your future? That might clash with your beliefs and approach to finances, challenging your positive perception of them.

                          Then, look at the benefits of letting this person go. See how better your life could be without them being around you. It might feel painful at first, but as time passes, you’ll focus on how great your life could be without them.

                          Take the First Steps to Beating Limerence

                          Remember – beating limerence might seem challenging, but it can be done. You just need the support, guidance, and tools to help you get there.