Tag: personal-growth

The Real Reason Why You Keep Repeating Toxic Relationship Cycles (It’s Not About Them)


If you’re reading this, you’ve probably done the work. You’ve read the books, watched the videos, and named the pattern: Narcissism. Codependency. Trauma bond. You know what a red flag looks like, and you can spot a toxic person a mile away.


So why, after all that growth, does that familiar, sinking feeling sometimes creep back in? Why do you occasionally find yourself entertaining the same emotionally unavailable person, dating the same fixer-upper project, or feeling pulled back into the chaos you worked so hard to escape?


The simple answer is that the greatest obstacle to your healing isn’t the toxic people you leave behind; it’s the comfort of the familiar chaos inside you.


Your Nervous System Craves the Familiar


We often talk about love and relationships from a purely emotional or logical perspective. The core driver of toxic relationship cycling is actually your nervous system.


Your nervous system is wired for survival, and it interprets “familiar” as “safe,” even if that familiarity is steeped in drama, anxiety, and eventual heartbreak. If the environment you grew up in was characterized by walking on eggshells, conditional love, and unpredictable conflict, your nervous system learned that chaos is normal.


When you meet a genuinely calm, secure, and respectful partner, your system doesn’t recognize the peace. It feels boring. It feels wrong. It feels unsafe. This internal alarm isn’t asking you to run toward the new person; it’s screaming for you to return to the familiar, high-stress state it knows how to survive.


The True Addiction Isn’t to the Person – It’s to the Pattern


The person who hurt you might be gone, but the trauma loop they created is still operating inside your body. That loop is activated by the rush of hope, the crash of rejection, and the desperate scramble for validation.


When you feel that magnetic pull back toward an ex, or when you feel bored with a healthy partner, it’s not because you secretly love the toxicity. It’s because your system is craving the adrenaline, the cortisol, and the emotional roller coaster that feels like the love you knew.

Breaking the cycle isn’t about finding a new person; it’s about establishing a new normal within yourself.


Re-Wiring for True Peace


To stop craving the chaos, you must teach your nervous system that calm is safe. This is where the real “shadow work” comes in, and it’s why healing is a messy, internal job.


Stop Confusing Intensity with Intimacy:

When you feel that intense, all-consuming rush for a person, pause. That is often a trauma response, not romantic love. True intimacy feels calm, predictable, and safe. Learn to recognize and value the quiet presence of security.


Practice Grounding Rituals:

When the urge to seek external validation or drama hits, stop and regulate your system. This might be 60 seconds of deep breathing, splashing cold water on your face, or moving your body. Interrupt the trauma loop before it can take over your decision-making.


Identify Your “Boredom” Triggers:

Healthy relationships can feel stagnant to someone used to constant highs and lows. When you feel “bored,” ask yourself: Is this boredom, or is it simply peace? If it’s peace, sit in it. Let the calm discomfort wash over you until your body learns to trust it.


You are not broken. You are simply healing a deep-seated survival mechanism. Reclaiming your peace is the bravest act of self-love you can commit. It’s a choice to stop letting your past dictate your future. You deserve a love that feels like rest, not a relentless battle.

Fear

Fear is simply because you’re not living with life; you are living in your mind.

Your fear is always about what’s going to happen next.

That means your fear is always about that which does not exist. If your fear is about that which does not exist. If your fear is about the nonexistent,  your fear is 100% imaginary.

If you are suffering  the non-existential, we call that insanity. People may be in just socially accepted levels of insanity, but if you are afraid or if you’re suffering, anything which does not exist, it amounts to insanity, isn’t it?

People are always suffering either what happened yesterday or what may happen from tomorrow.

Your suffering is always about that which does not exist, simply because you are not rooted in reality. You’re always rooted in your mind.

Mind is one part memory, another part of it is imagination. Both of these are in one way imagination because both of them don’t exist right now.

You’re lost in your imagination, that’s the basis of your fear.

If you were rooted in reality, there would be no fear.

Daily Meditation Mantra:

Inhale and think ” I am not the body”

Exhale and think “I am not even the mind”

Understanding Your Relationship with Yourself

I’m not sure if I’ve already posted this but I’ve been clearing out my writing folders and podcast scripts and didn’t want this goody to go to waste.


Today we’re diving into one of the most important, and yet most overlooked, relationships in our lives, the one we have with ourselves.

Let me say this upfront:
The relationship you have with yourself is the primary relationship in your life.
Everything else: your friendships, your romantic partnerships, your career, your finances is a mirror reflecting what’s going on in that inner world.

Now let’s begin this journey by asking a question:
What is your relationship to you?
Whether you’re conscious of it or not, whatever is unresolved or unhealed within you is going to show up in every single area of your life.

Let me give you an example:
If you carry the belief, “I’m not good enough,” chances are that belief will bleed into your career.
If you think, “I don’t deserve to receive,” don’t be surprised when your financial life feels blocked or inconsistent.
These beliefs aren’t just thoughts, but they become the lens you see life through.

So, to really reach our potential, we have to start by looking inward and identifying what’s hurt, what’s wounded, what’s been buried and then tend to it.

Heal it. Empower it. Reprogram it.

And when we do that?
We don’t just feel better.
We become better in our self-esteem, in how we show up in relationships, in how we manage money, in how we handle stress. Literally, everything shifts.

So why don’t we learn this earlier?
The truth is, we rarely get this modeled for us growing up.
We live in a system built around classical conditioning — punishment and reward — and it trains us to look outward for approval, instead of inward for connection.

As kids, most of us were born into unconditional love. Somewhere around age two, that love starts to feel… conditional.
We start hearing messages like:
“Be a good boy.” “Do better.” “That’s not enough.”
And even if it’s well-intentioned, our little brains start to internalize these patterns as:
“I’m only lovable when I behave.”
“Love is something I earn.”
“If I mess up, I lose connection.”

That’s the first trauma most of us carry: the shift from unconditional to conditional love.
And it sticks… shaping how we talk to ourselves, how we treat ourselves, and how we expect to be treated by others.

So let me ask you:
What does your relationship to self look like today?

Do you show yourself compassion when you make a mistake?
Do you give yourself space to rest when you’re tired?
Do you listen to your own needs?
Do you keep your own boundaries?
Or are you still operating from outdated beliefs handed to you before you even knew who you were?

Here’s the truth:
Your self-relationship affects everything.
It sets your comfort zone, what you tolerate from others, what you believe you’re worthy of, and even what kinds of people you’re drawn to.
So if you find yourself constantly attracting people who hurt, abandon, or manipulate you
You’re not cursed.
You’re not broken.
You’re just unconsciously recreating the patterns you were taught.

Here’s the good news:
You can reprogram all of it.

Let’s talk ingredients.
There are five key components of a healthy relationship to self:

  1. Self-awareness — Truly knowing yourself and having a stable sense of identity.
  2. Self-respect — Treating yourself in a healthy, loving, and kind way.
  3. Self-loyalty — Looking out for your own best interests and showing up for yourself.
  4. Self-responsibility — Taking accountability for your choices and your healing.
  5. Self-protection — Supporting yourself, protecting your energy, and caring for your emotional and physical needs.

When these pieces are in place, you don’t just survive but you thrive.

So, why does all of this matter?
It matters because your relationship to yourself is the blueprint for every other relationship you have.

It sets the tone for:

  • What behaviors you’ll tolerate from others
  • How you respond when someone crosses your boundaries
  • Whether or not you feel comfortable asking for your needs to be met
  • If you believe you deserve real, consistent, trustworthy love

When your internal world is calm, kind, and clear your external world starts to reflect that.

Now, here’s the final thought I want to leave you with today:
Every relationship outside of you , every challenge, trigger, or pattern is a reflection of your internal relationship to self.
And that means:
You don’t have to change the world to change your life.
You just have to come home to you.

Until then, be gentle with yourself.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.
You’re just remembering who you’ve always been.

Consider booking a 1:1 session
You can learn more at www.healingmyfeelings.com.

Remember: healing starts within.

Shadow Work & Spiritual Warfare – The Side of Healing No One Talks About

Everyone loves to talk about healing. But few people talk about what it really feels like to do it.
Healing isn’t just crystals, ceremonies, or self-care Sundays. Sometimes, it’s grief that shakes your bones. Sometimes, it’s screaming into a pillow. Sometimes, it’s confronting the ugliest parts of yourself: the jealous part, the vengeful part, the insecure part, and realizing they didn’t come from nowhere.
They were shaped by pain. Inherited from lineage. Forged in trauma. Pretending they don’t exist in the name of “love and light” is not healing. It’s hiding.

Love and Light Without Accountability is Avoidance
Let’s be clear: love and light are beautiful, but if they are used to suppress shadow, we’re no longer practicing spirituality — we’re bypassing reality.
Spiritual bypassing is when you use affirmations to skip grief.
It’s when you use forgiveness to avoid boundaries.
It’s when you meditate, but don’t apologize.
Alignment, on the other hand, is a practice of both: the divine and the difficult.

Shadow Work is Sacred Confrontation
Shadow work isn’t a trend. It’s spiritual warfare with your own unconscious.
It’s not about “fixing” your darkness. It’s about owning it.
When you deny your shadow, it runs the show from the backseat, but when you meet it, you can integrate it…And integration is where liberation begins.

Try this prompt:
“What shadow did I inherit… and what did I choose to carry?”

Write until your hand cramps.
Then read it back.
Sit in it.
This is your truth.

Healing is Not Aesthetic

Real healing is:
Saying, “I was wrong.”
Walking away even when you’re lonely.
Telling the truth, even if your voice shakes.
Feeling ugly emotions without shame.

It’s not Instagrammable. It’s internal. And it’s holy.

Your Spirit Deserves Truth, Not Performance

If you’ve been told you’re too intense, too deep, too much — good.
You were never meant to perform healing. You were meant to live it.
We don’t ascend by avoiding our humanity. We ascend by embracing it with accountability.

So go ahead. Get angry. Get real. Then get aligned.


Ready to dive into the real work? Book a healing session

Letters to Myself: A Journey of Self-Discovery

I write myself letters and I’ll grab a random page out of my journal, write something and then however time that passes, I’ll get to that page and see it. Tonight was one of those letters. As I share this with you all, this is also a letter for you all. Life is hard. It doesn’t need to be that way, so why do we continue to make it hard? Just something to think about. Nobody is coming to “rescue” or “save” you. I know that feeling how we want that to happen, but when that does, we lose our power. If you’ve been in that situation before, you can understand what I’m saying. I needed to read this tonight and I hope it encourages you as well. Keep going! Keep working on yourself because you’re worthy. Be the person you want to date. When you love yourself, the right kind of person will also love you. Never lose those standards. Never!

Letter To Myself:
Hey Chica, I can see you’re going through a tough time right now, and I want you to know that you’re not alone. Life can be incredibly challenging, and it’s completely normal to struggle with the choices we make and the obstacles we face.
First of all, I want to acknowledge your strength. Despite the difficulties you’re experiencing, you’re still here, facing each day with courage and determination. That’s something to be proud of.
It’s important to remember that we all make mistakes and face tough times in life. What’s crucial is how we respond to these challenges. Instead of dwelling on past choices or letting them define you, focus on what you can do right now to create positive change in your life. Stop thinking of why this happened to you. Start asking yourself “What am I going to do?”
Soo…what are you going to do?
Try these out:
Take some time to reflect on the lessons you’ve learned from your experiences. Every setback, every mistake, is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Use these experiences to become stronger and wiser.
Reach out for support when you need it. Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, seeking guidance from a therapist, or finding support groups in your community, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to face your struggles alone.
I know there is lots of shame, so grab the phone and record yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself. You’re doing the best you can with the resources you have, and that’s enough.
Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer to a friend in need.
Lastly, keep moving forward, one step at a time. It’s okay if progress feels slow or if you encounter setbacks along the way. What matters is that you keep pushing forward, even when it’s hard.
You are capable of overcoming the challenges life throws your way. Believe in yourself, stay resilient, and know that brighter days are ahead. You’ve got this.
Look at everything you’ve overcome. Don’t let THIS be the thing that stops you, but another stepping stone that makes you the beautiful human being you are. Look at what you’ve overcome.

Loving you Always-
The one you’re forgetting about but I’m not forgetting you.
YOU ARE AMAZING!