The love bomb and the discard.
The devaluation cycle.
You go from on top of the world to the gutter really quick.
A little bit of bread crumbing in the middle to give you hope.
Just a tiny taste of the love they used to feed you.
Scraps really.
And it almost seemed like they were coming back.
The silent treatment.
A whole lot of the silent treatment.
Not being acknowledged at all.
Maybe ghosting.
What’s the real difference when all is said and done?
First, being called a “soul mate”. A “twin flame”. They waited their whole entire life to find you.
Then the stone walling.
The gaslighting.
The manipulation.
The lies.
You’ll never have to be alone again.
That’s the big lie.
It just sounds so appealing.
Perfect.
But somewhere deep down inside you knew that it was too good to be true.
But it was beautiful.
Magical.
Everything you ever wanted.
And you can’t fucking believe you fell for it, can you?
Was it real? Was it fake?
What about the feelings that you experienced?
Was it all in your head?
All in your heart?
Either way, you feel betrayed now. And of course, they telegraphed the whole break up.
Early on.
They pretty much told you exactly what they were going to do.
All the way down to how they were going to replace the supply.
You could see it in their patterns.
In the way that they talked about their exes.
Their family.
Possibly their boss.
Sometimes even their friends.
Maybe they outright told you.
But you were so enamored that you simply refused to believe what they were showing you.
Even as they spelled it out…. in crystal clear language.
Red flags.
Ignored.
So many red flags.
They certainly are hard to see through those rose-colored glasses, aren’t they?
And the whole experience feels dehumanizing, doesn’t it?
Suffering in silence.
Hoping they’d come back if you just suppressed every want.
Eliminated every need.
If you could just stop.
Stop your anxiety.
Stop the meltdowns.
You didn’t used to be like this.
Your nervous system is disregulated.
You haven’t cried this much in years.
And you try not to reach out, but of course you break down
and you do,
and you look crazy.
Each message obviously distraught.
You feel crazy too.
And I guess in a way you are.
That’s what they’d say, right?
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
It was never going to change.
Face it, you knew they weren’t coming back.
But you have no fucking self-respect, do you?
You quieted your own needs.
Tried to be less YOU.
Begged.
Pleaded.
Groveled.
Just to be met with a wall of silence.
You willingly gave away your dignity.
And now you fucking hate people.
Don’t know how you will ever trust again?
Don’t worry.
You won’t.
At least not the way you trusted them.
And that’s a good thing in the long run.
Lessons can look an awful like love if you don’t pay close attention to the red flags .
And that’s what they were.
A lesson.
Wrapped in red flags.
Not love.
Just a really fucking hard lesson.

• relationships
• Thought Box
• thoughts and realization
• toxic